Sunday, June 24, 2012

In Celebration of Differents

In Celebration of Differents

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4-leaf clovers found May 2004
I have a really weird talent. I find four-leaf clovers. All the time. I rarely look for them on purpose unless I want to impress my children. I usually find them when I’m doing other things such as working in the yard or waiting for the bus with the kids. When I was younger with sharper eyes, I could even spot one from the window of a car stopped at a traffic light.

I usually pick them, tape them to cardstock, and give them away. Once people get over their initial skepticism that it’s a real four-leaf clover, they are usually pleased to receive it. Believing in good luck, as well as receiving an unexpected gift, has a tendency to do that.

What is it that makes a four-leaf clover so special? If you think about it, they’re an aberration. They’re not supposed to have four leaves; they’re supposed to have three. They’re an oddity. An anamoly. A mistake. Yet we treasure them because they’re uncommon. They don’t look like every other clover.

Many times, the rarest, most extraordinary items on the planet are also ones that turned out differently from the norm. A diamond should remain a piece of coal but it didn’t. The most collectible coins contain minting errors. An animal that’s born all white is a genetic mutation, yet we flock to see it at the zoo.

Now let’s think about people. Which ones do we value the most? Society tells us that we all need to achieve a certain ideal: a particular look, a perfect BMI, an acceptable weight, a common opinion, and behave in the same manner as everyone else. We’re expected to conform, blend in, and be ordinary. Our children are expected to learn in exactly the same way as the other kids in school, taught by a single accepted method. Those who learn differently are excluded or medicated.
Just imagine if we started revering our differences instead of reviling them. No one would feel shamed for looking different. People would feel comfortable just being themselves. Individuals would be encouraged to share their own unique gifts. Thinking in a different way might yield novel inventions. People would finally be prized for their eccentricities. At last, non-conformity could become the new ideal.
“It’s the things in common that make relationships enjoyable, but it’s the little differences that make them interesting.” - Todd Ruthman
Vive la difference!

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Honestly, when it comes to men, (since men are what I like), if they are too perfect-looking I get all itchy. It's that part of them that is different that makes them interesting -- a slightly-too large nose, a shock of really curly hair, unusally tall or short, glasses -- that suddenly gets my goose all cooked. That, and of course there has to be a brain. Because sooner or later you have to roll over and have a conversation.

Great post, Lisa.
Thanks, Liz. I always say that most of my friends are quirky folks from the fringe - the more colorful, the better! But yes, brains are non-negotiable, closely followed by humor.
This goes beyond looks and can be applied to outlooks and beliefs as well.
The "differents" you chose and the manner in which they are presented are excellent analogies for the point you make. Imagine a world where "different" = "the new normal".

I once managed to get a very religious friend to deduce through logic that homosexuality is perfectly "normal" to the homosexual, and that in fact, their humanity is identical to ours. He then admitted that teaching his children that homosexuals are aberrant because his religion says so was wrong. Now, I doubt he ever acted on his new-found knowledge, but it was joy to watch the confusion on his face as I led him through the thought process give way to wide-eyed understanding. The words "You're right" never sounded sweeter.

One mind at a time. Thanks for this thoughtful post.
This is something that would work well with couples. My husband and I are ridiculously different. When we focus on the differences in negative ways, we fight. When we appreciate the differences and learn from them, we're at peace.
Chris - Yes, I agree that valuing different outlooks and beliefs is just as, if not more, important as acceptance over physical looks. I meant to convey that in my piece but didn't do as good of a job as I'd hoped.

Kelly - One mind at a time indeed. It would be wonderful for you to someday post the argument that you used to convince your uber-religious friend about homosexuality. I'll bet many people would be interested in reading that!

Mary - It sounds like you and your husband are a terrific example of people who appreciate differences. Otherwise, how would you have gotten together? I think that, much like anything else, our attitudes and reactions determine our level of happiness within a relationship.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and share your comments. I truly appreciate it.
lovely post! and very cool talent :) my husband would love it= he's Irish and somewhat superstitious. you must have been born under a lucky star- or four leaf clover.
Thank you, Magpie! I keep thinking one of these days, these clovers are going to pay off. So far no lottery winnings, but I guess I'm a pretty lucky person overall. I appreciate you stopping by!

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