Monday, June 25, 2012

Love: It's Elementary


DECEMBER 15, 2008 9:37AM

Love: It's Elementary

RATE: 42
a heart that Evan found in the end of a navel orange Nov 2008

My 8-year-old son is a bit of a ladies’ man.  With friendliness and a constant smile, I’ve always suspected that girls would find him irresistible.  One day last winter, my thoughts were confirmed.
 
I heard the school bus groan to a stop out front of our house.  A minute or two later, my son Evan burst through the back door.  He was carrying a folded up note in his hand.  Before I could ask him about his day at school, he ran past me.

“I can’t talk right now, Mom,” he said as he bounded up the stairs like someone on a mission.  “Janie gave me a note and told me to read it in private.”  A note? From a girl?  In second grade? 
A short time later, Evan stomped down the stairs. The note was in his hand.
“Mom!  I need a bucket, quick!” 

“Why do you need a bucket?”
 
“Because I’m going to be sick!”  He then proceeded to make loud retching noises.
 
Before I could get up from my chair, he’d reached the bottom of the stairs and shoved the note at me.  “Here.  Read this.  Bluuhhh!  I’m going to be sick!”
 
I unfolded the note.  In a child’s uneven, misspelled printing, it read:

Evan, Kara and I think your cute.  We know you think its crazy but its true. Don’t tell your parints. We both really really like you.
Love, Janie and Kara              P. S.  Don’t tell any one. 
Evan obviously ignored their instructions as he didn’t even last two minutes before showing the note to one of his parints. 
“Wow, it sounds like these girls really like you, Evan.”
 
“Yeah,” he said, forgetting his nausea as he poked around in the pantry for a snack.  “They chase me at recess and try to kiss me and stuff.  I don’t let ‘em catch me though.”
 
Throughout the school year, Evan would tell me stories of how the girls tried to kiss him that day, or wrote him a note, or tried to sit next to him during reading time.  He’d always claim that he didn’t like their attention, but then he’d watch shows on TV meant for tween girls so that he could learn how to “figure girls out.”

Last Christmas, Janie gave Evan a snowman ornament which he promptly hung on the Christmas tree in a place of honor:  right out front where everyone could see it.
 
There were more notes from Janie and Kara throughout the rest of the school year and the beginning of this one.  Some of the notes accused Evan of no longer liking them, which he didn’t understand as he’d never told them that he didn’t like them.
 
“What are you going to do, Evan?”

“Don’t worry, Mom, I have a plan.  I know how to make girls keep liking me.”
 
“You do?  How?”
 
“It’s easy,” he said confidently.  “I just have to be nice to them.” 
 
In third grade, my son has already figured out what women want.
 
Today Evan and I finished decorating the Christmas tree.  My two older sons had started decorating it but quickly became bored, leaving it to do other more interesting activities. 

Evan and I took turns adding ornaments to the tree, remembering the story of each one:  this one is from your first Christmas, this is the one that Matt made in kindergarten, this one was from Gram, this is the one that Ryan made in preschool... 
I noticed a small snowman ornament hanging toward the back of the tree at the bottom. 
“Oh, look, Evan.  Here’s the ornament that Janie gave you last year. Remember?  The little snowman?”
 
Evan abandoned his ornament-choosing for a moment to take a look.  “Yeah, so what?” He shrugged and walked back to the ornament box, selecting a golden bell to hang on the tree.
 
Tonight, I watched Evan lying on the sofa, all alone in the living room, looking thoughtfully at the fully-decorated Christmas tree.  Suddenly, he got up from the sofa and walked over to the tree.  I could see him carefully unhook an ornament near the back of the tree and move it to the front.  Apparently pleased with its new location, he ran off to play.
 
I had a suspicion but wasn’t sure until I could get a closer look.  The ornament that Evan moved to the front of the tree was the snowman that Janie had given him; a sweet reminder of an elementary school romance.

Evan's little snowman ornament
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Comments

Your son is real cute, I could kidnap him.
Awwww...really. All we want is for them to be nice to us. You have taught him well Obi Wan. Great post and I love that ornament!
Oh how sweet! So funny that he waited until he thought no one was watching to move the ornament. Those glimpses we get into our children's private lives are such a gift. Thanks for sharing this.
Moana - thank you! But don't kidnap my son. I'd miss him. :)

gracielou - Yes! If a third grader can figure out how to treat women, there's no excuse for the men of the world
dustbowldiva - I think he pretends that he doesn't care what the girls think even though he really does. It seems like such a young age to feel so conflicted, doesn't it?
Lovely story.

I can just feel you smiling when you write about your children.

I still trade emails with my grammer school crush. We were quite inseparable, starting from 1st grade---all very, very innocent. (I would never have sent a "note," yikes!!!) We became 'just friends" in about 7th grade and remained so through out high school. We had lost contact for a long time---maybe 20 years---and I reached him through classmates a few birthdays ago. He sent me back a note that made my day--Hell, it made my month! We've kept in contact, dropping each other a line now and again.

All good memories----making me smile right now as I type. I wish the same for your son some day.

Merry Christmas, Lisa, and thanks for sharing.
Lisa,
It's funny how some men stomp through live and never learn the "secret" Evan so matter of factly understands. Looks like Janie put a lot of work into the snowman. I'd keep an eye on her. Still a little early to reserve a chapel, I suppose.
m.a.h. - That's so sweet that you're still in touch with your grade school crush. I think these small but special experiences when we're young add a richness to our lives that's worth preserving. Thank you so much for your comments.

Michael - I'm not calling the caterer yet or anything, but it is funny that these two girls still like him. Especially Janie. I guess we'll know that it's progressed to the point of being serious when Janie and Kara start fighting over him.
Lisa Kern: "I guess we'll know that it's progressed to the point of being serious when Janie and Kara start fighting over him."

It'd be a sign of something, maybe, but not "seriousness".

At the risk of being overly analytical for the context, I've always disliked the idea that jealousy -- especially to the point of open conflict -- somehow proves the existence of love. Belief in that presumed connection seems to often feed into some unhealthy relationship behavior.

(Damn cute story, BTW.)
Two childhood Lothario stories:

I remember in kindergarten a girl named Jackie Pucci (guessing on the spelling, but how much cooler can a name get?!!) used to chase me around the playground at recess trying to kiss me. I was the fastest kid in class, but I let her catch me every time. Every? time!

A friend's child was at the playground one day back in the spring, and had the chance to meet the woman who was to be his kindergarten teacher later in the fall. When introduced, he calmly leaned against a tree and proclaimed, "I know how to wipe my butt." I wish I had been there to see that, because I would have mentioned how that fact puts him ahead of about 75% of the male adult population!
:) awww, I wish he didn't have to feel conflicted about it- love is good.
Bearpaw1 - Oh dear - I didn't think of that. We don't want to promote jealous fighting over a boy. Maybe they can flip a coin? Thanks for the comment.

Sandra - :) I'll send him over and you guys can bake cookies.

Blake - Great stories! I sometimes supervise recess at my kids' school. The kindergartners always crack me up with the things they say. Hanging around with kids means there's no shortage of material for writers.

LuluandPhoebe - Thank you! I appreciate everyone indulging my kid stories. It is a great way to record these small moments that contribute to life's sweetness.
Lisa, I think your voice is perfect for writing about your children. Just filled with love!

My four-year old granddaughter talks about her "special friend" all the time. He's a little blond who looks like a Tele-Tubby. She has been close with him now, half her life. Their interplay is cute and sometimes sounds just like grownups. We can learn from our own relationships I think by observing theirs, and reading about it, too.
Lisa Kern: "Maybe they can flip a coin?"

The note was from both of them, right? [grin] Maybe they could just share.
hyblaen - Yes, love is good -whether at age 8 or 28 or 88.

Lea - Your granddaughter and her little friend sound precious. I think that adults spend much time overthinking situations whereas children live in the moment and so think in the moment. Their judgement is more basic, but in matters of the heart, sometimes basic is all that's required.

bearpaw1 - :)
My daughter had the same problem in elementary school with boys chasing her and trying to kiss her. She hated that and just threw them down on the ground! But your son is on to something! My husband is a man whom women have always adored, and why? He listens, he respects and enjoys women, and he's interested in them for reasons beyond sex. What do women want? Respect....to be treated as human beings rather than as sex objects..... and more effort in bed! Like I used to tell my students, if you women find a man who's as interested in your enjoyment of sex as he is in his own, then I sure hope he's smart and good looking, 'cause he's a keeper!!
What a cutie pie. If he can remember his own secret once he hits puberty... OMG, girls, look out. May I borrow him, too? I'll give him back at 15, I promise.
Very sweet. You are definitely doing something right in bringing up this boy!
Boys as little boys--there's just nothing like them. Trying to act like nothing affects them...and yet, so transparent. Thanks Lisa.
Oh God Lisa, Little G has little girls calling the house all the time. He has one older girl (10 years old) who used to take Taekwondo with him who is a bit obsessed. We finally had to draw a line with her as with your little boy, Griffin doesn't like to hurt anyone's feelings.

Rated for familiarity!
Cute story. Evan is a smart young boy and has figured it out all ready! He will have all kinds of girlfriends!
It’s hard to believe how cute and endearing this is – not only the story, but the way you write it. Must be some good role-modeling going on in your house! And Mary’s right about that boy duality thing – it’s such a cute/sad trait, all at once. Thank you!
Lisa, what a cute story. Sounds like you're raising a boy who will become a good man.
That's so awww it almost hurts.
SoapBoxAmy - Your daughter sounds like someone who knows what she wants (as well as what she doesn't!) Thank you for your comments.

Ranting boomer - You sure you want him all the way until 15? Boys get moody around age 12 (just warning you!)

Susan - Thank you! You always leave the nicest comments.

Mary - Little boys are funny, aren't they? Too bad they grow up so fast.

Greg - Better get used to having loads of girls chasing after Little G. That child is a heartbreaker for sure - so cute!

Just Pamela - Thank you! Let's see if he remembers it all when he's grown.

David - You've got a couple of cuties in your house, too. Thanks for the compliment on my writing. :)

Deonne - Thanks! It's easy to want to take responsibility for them when they're being awesome, but the messy room? Not so much.

Mungular - Thank you for stopping by.

T & D - It's great to see you here. I appreciate you taking the time to read about my boy.
As a mother of boys myself, I have been shocked at how aggressive some of these little girls are today! "Some of the notes accused Evan of no longer liking them, which he didn’t understand as he’d never told them that he didn’t like them." This same stuff has happened to my youngest. Such drama. It sounds as if your son is very grounded and handling things well.
Your son sounds like quite the thoughtful young man.

I coached my daughter's T-ball team when she was 6 (Jesus, that was a long time ago). There was a young, skinny, freckle-faced boy with a personality much like it sounds like your son’s, a very vivacious, flirtatious kid who played on the team. I was standing by first base one day during a practice when he hit the ball and ran the base. My daughter was playing first and this kid stopped on first when he could easily have ran to second or third. When he stopped, he looked at my daughter and said “hi honey, I’m home.” I’ll remember that kid as long as I live.

Fond memories of incredibly endearing and memorable things children do when they’re that age. Too bad we all have to grow up. What a wonderful world this would be if we didn't.
Get him started on that relationship book asap.
Lisa, I have to agree with Lea, you have a perfect touch for writing about your children. The descriptions, Evan's voice and your interaction with him also says volumes about what a cool mom you are.

MaryT said, "Boys as little boys--there's just nothing like them. Trying to act like nothing affects them...and yet, so transparent." I agree, but wouldn't limit it to little boys... men fit that description too. :)

I hope I won't get stoned in the town square (um, as in have rocks thrown at me, not the other kind of stoned, jeez) for --what are we calling it?-- whoring. But making new friends is a great reason to bring up older posts they might enjoy. I offer this one to you and anybody else who likes kid stories and wasn't here last Father's Day.
Lisa: this is absolutely precious. I was there through the entire story. Right there, listening in like a spy. That is good writing.

Your boy, Evan, is way ahead of me in understanding "girls." At that age they were mostly bigger than I was and scared me if they so much as looked my way. Later on I was taller than they were, which didn't help much because when one spoke to me I became catatonic.

Monte
MB - I hear you. Girls are way more aggressive these days! I can't imagine what they'll be like in high school or college if they're like this in 2nd and 3rd grade.

Bob - I'm so glad you commented. I saw your schnauzer avatar on the OS collage and HAD to find out who you were. I have a schnauzer myself. Not a very well-behaved one, but we're working on that (I've posted about her a couple of times if you're interested). Keep the porch light on; I'll be over to check out your blog.

rijaxn - Ha ha! Maybe he can take over for that Mars-Venus guy.

Sally - you are so kind to me! Thank you. I will definitely check out your Father's Day post. And by the way, I wouldn't recommend getting stoned in the town square - too much paranoia out in public.

Monte - Evan surely doesn't get his confidence from me. I struggled terribly with boys when I was in school. I can't explain it, but this child just has *something* about him. When he was a baby, people used to come up to me and tell me that I should put him in commercials. He's cute, but not *that* cute. I think it's just a vibe he gives off. Some people have it. I never did! Thank you so much for stopping by.

Red - What a sweet sentiment - thank you! Seeing that beautiful boy on your lap in your photo makes me wish for those younger days. Grandchildren will be such fun.
Lisa

Schnauzers are indeed a blast. I've never had a dog so full of energy and personality as this one. But, as you know, that personality carries with it an incredibly stubborn and independent side too. Mine is so independent, he often resembles a cat in his demeanor.

I'll look up your post about yours.
Sweet! Evan seems like a might smart young man!!!! Merry Christmas!!! :)
Bob - Schnauzers are definitely one of a kind. Their sweetness and no shedding tends to make us overlook quite a few annoyances.

Screamin mama - Thank you! He's not so smart about keeping his room clean but at least he's nice to girls. Merry Christmas to you, too!
Lisa, LOVE this story -- how cute! See, that is the man that all of us want when we grow up. No doubt the two girls have wonderful taste in men...!:)
PS I used to chase around my neighbor -- he WAS fast. And, by the time they moved away in seventh grade, I still had not caught him for one smooch. It was my first broken-heart of many .

After Christmas Break of my freshman year in college I received a letter from him, stating that he would like to keep in touch with me. My giant ego at the time said, "You snooze, you lose".

Ten years later at a funeral I was told that I wounded his heart by never writing back to him...who'd a thunk it! Some love is just ill-fated!
Lisa - Aw, such a sad story, but so common. We never want what we can have and then learn too late that what we wanted was right there all along. Thank you for reading my story. I always love to hear from you.
Every time I get to the coast I find one perfectly heart-shaped, flat rock...
Thanks for this lovely story Lisa. Your son is adorable, and your voice is beautifully tender. Loved it. I've added you as a friend.
Cat - You're lucky. I always look for a heart-shaped rock but never find one. At least the heart on the orange was an unexpected thrill.

Nada - Thank you for the compliments. They mean a lot to me coming from such a talent as you.
I laughed out loud and had to read the part where Evan pretended to need a bucket to retch in to my husband. Reminds me so much of our own sweet boy who is still in his full latency period, though the girls in his class are becoming very interested...
News from the purple house - Hang on to your hat because these little girls can be very forward when chasing after our clueless boys. Just the other day Evan announced that he needed to figure out a way to "get these girls off my back!" Thank you for stopping by.
(Originally Posted On Open Salon - Editor's Pick)

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