A knock at the door... 
The Dog, who had been napping peacefully, jumps excitedly to her feet. Someone’s at the door! Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Open it, open it, open it! Meeting people is my favorite thing. The Dog positions herself so that upon entering, the visiting person will see her first.
The Visitor, an insurance auditor, walks in. She's all business with her briefcase, papers, and computer.
The Dog doesn't care that The Visitor is an auditor; she loves friends, family, and auditors alike. She presents her most enthusiastic greeting, complete with tail wagging and full-body wiggling. Look! I have a Raccoon! I took the stuffing out all by myself. The Visitor is not impressed. She doesn’t even look at The Dog.
The Dog is puzzled. Normally a tail-wag and a body-wiggle work on everyone. She circles The Visitor, all the while gazing up at her with a big, goofy dog-smile and a fat pink tongue flopping from the side of her mouth. See? I’m friendly! Don’t you want to be my friend? The Visitor grimaces about the blond dog hair now decorating her slim black skirt and takes a seat at the table.
The Dog decides to show off her good manners. After all, good manners always make Mom smile. The Dog sits obediently at The Visitor’s side, head held high and proud. Surely this will make The Visitor love me.
The Visitor, fearing more dog hair, skooches her chair away from The Dog.
That’s OK. Maybe she didn’t see how nicely I sat for her. I’ll show her my Roadkill Skunk. Bringing my Roadkill Skunk to Dad always gets me a pat on the head.
The Dog runs to get her Roadkill Skunk, returning a few seconds later. She eagerly approaches The Visitor with it in her mouth. Isn’t this skunk fabulous? I’ve added my own touches by chewing off part of the rubbery tire tracks and pulling out all of the stuffing. Don’t you want to see it?
Again, The Visitor ignores The Dog. She continues to tap tap tap on her computer, interested only in the numbers before her.
Undeterred, The Dog considers what else The Visitor might find appealing. Once again, she leaves to find something that will cause The Visitor to notice her. Maybe the Flat Squirrel will win her attention. Whenever I carry Flat Squirrel around, the Young Boy smiles at me and pats my fur. I love it when people pat my fur.
Moments later, she returns with a flat, droopy, fake-fur covered squirrel in her mouth. The squirrel is missing its face from being chewed off by The Dog. The Dog is very proud of the improvements she’s made to Flat Squirrel’s appearance and wants desperately to share them with The Visitor. To make doubly sure that the auditor notices her, she places Flat Squirrel squarely on The Visitor's all-business lap.
Unfortunately, The Visitor is not at all happy to find a chewed up Flat Squirrel on her lap. She gives Mom a look suggesting that the audit might not go so well if Flat Squirrel is not removed at once.
The Dog senses that her Flat Squirrel gift was not appreciated. I don’t know why she isn’t pleased. That’s my best toy. I don’t share it with just anyone. I even took care to lay it nicely on her lap so she could see where its face used to be. I worked hard on chewing off those tiny little eyes and whiskers. Surely such a special present would make her love me!
Seeming to be out of ideas, The Dog lies quietly between The Visitor and Mom. She desperately wants to make friends with this new visitor but her attempts at friendship have not earned her even a single smile or a pat on the head.
A moment or two later, The Dog decides to try to make friends one final time. Quietly and calmly, she flattens her body until she is lying on the floor. After lying still for a moment, she uses her powerful paws to crawl all the way under the table until she is right beneath The Visitor.
So far so good. Now for my big move!
Suddenly, The Visitor drops her pen and squeals, her voice dripping with disgust.
“Ack! Your dog is licking my toes!”
The Dog understands perfectly: epic dog fail. She slithers out from under the table, shoots a sad glance to Mom, and retreats to her bed in the other room. Sometimes, when things don't go well, only a nap makes sense.
Sadly, today was the day The Dog learned that just because she loves everyone, it doesn’t guarantee that everyone will love her back.
Comments
Owl - Thank you! I'm sure she'd not only be your friend, but she'd share the Flat Squirrel with you, too.
LandP - Yes, the auditor was a turkey - a great big dog-hating turkey. I can't wait to see how much the dog lick costs us in additional insurance premiums!
Rated
What someone else said about insurance and evil. Or something.
Could you please give Bailey a great big ole full body hug and a long run at a really, really great dog park for me?
Poor puppy.
(What's an insurance audit?)
And rated. For poor, sweet Bailey's sake.
She reminds of of Dug. "My name is Dug. I have just met you. And I love you."
How can anybody resist that face?!
nerd cred - Oh, don't worry. She's been getting lots of attention. It was sad seeing such a pure, loving soul be rejected like that simply because she's a dog. To answer your question, an insurance audit is where they come out to compare your business's actual payroll and sales records for the policy period with those that were used when the policy was first written. It tells them if they owe you money or if you owe them money. I wouldn't be surprised if she penalizes us for dog lick!
Pretend Farmer - Big Meanie indeed! I'm sure that Bailey would not only share Flat Squirrel with you, but she'd also lick your toes. You're special that way.
merwoman - Aw, tell Dug I love him! Sounds like Bailey has a kindred dog spirit.
Roy - Thanks! Surprisingly, we had an audit by the State the week before and that auditor, who SHOULD be a tight ass, was as nice as could be. Of course, he also admitted to being a dog person.
Marcelle - Thank you! :)
Another thing: my dog is super-calm and rarely barks. She did not bark, jump or otherwise use bad behavior toward this auditor. I know that the dog hair wasn't appreciated, and I understand that, too. Again, my intent in this piece wasn't to show disrespect toward non-dog lovers, but to show the viewpoint of my very sweet but dejected dog.
I'm glad that you stopped by. I always appreciate other perspectives as well as the accompanying reminders to be compassionate towards everyone.
Anyway, if the auditor really had a problem with dogs, all she had to do was ask you to put the dog away rather that be what I consider rude to a member of your household. And I'd love to know where you got the road-kill skunk toy! I think I need to get one each for the husband and the dogs :)
Happily, I outgrew that. Perhaps she will too.
Love your dog!
Leeandra - Hey girl! Nice to see you.
Mrs. M - I COULD tell you that, but sadly, it would be a lie. I had to reconstruct photographic evidence of the sad events later.
Bluesurly - Oh no - you can't see the pictures? I'm sorry! I don't know what to do to help. I know how frustrating that is because usually I'm the one who can't see them.
Regarding the Roadkill Skunk, we found it at our local pet store. Considering we live in a rural area and found it here, they're probably widely available. It was the first toy I bought her when we adopted her. :)
Deborah - I was thinking that very thing while writing this: some of us just want to be loved and will try anything to convince others that we're lovable. I remember learning that sad lesson myself, and now my poor dog has to learn it, too. Give an ear scratch to Mighty Joe for me.
Dea-dog - Oh yes. You don't even have to ask her twice. :)
Harlee Girl - I'm sure that you're just as adorable. :)
Bailey, on the flip side, I too have played all my cards for an aloof someone, tongue hanging, tail wagging, trying to be noticed and appreciated. I too have failed with those black suited cardboard folks who were best left to their data while I curled up in a corner.
Thanks Lisa for sharing both sides of this human experience. Hugs to you both.
Gary - How could she not like you? XOXO
Wood Elf - Thank you for such a lovely comment and for understanding exactly what I was trying to convey. If Bailey were my child, we'd be having a conversation right now about being true to yourself and not trying to impress people who aren't going to value you any way.
Mamoore - Oh, I hear you about the magic squeaky thing. They're like the Holy Grail to dogs. Bailey just disemboweled another toy today in her quest for squeaky thing domination.
Brie - I kept wondering if this woman failed to recognize the efforts of people in her life, too. She had that type of self-absorbed demeanor.
PS Please tell The Dog it's okay to lick my toes any time.
Faith - Thanks! You can never have too many friends according to Bailey. :)
Dragonlady - Thank you for stopping by. Please let me know when you put up your post about Jeffrey. Dogs help us remember all of the good that there is in the world and enable us to overlook the bad so much better.
Julie - Thanks for stopping by to read about Bailey's unrequited love. We took her camping with us this weekend and she found plenty of people to love who loved her back.