It seemed like a swell idea at the time. All I had to do was write an essay about what Obama’s Presidential inauguration means to me and I could score tickets to it as his personal guest.
The emailed invitation was friendly. It even referred to me by first name! Heck, even my local Toyota dealer doesn’t address me by first name. And wemust be pals, the way the invitation colloquially refers to them as “Barack” and “Joe.” Who says you can’t buy friendship with a $25.00 campaign donation?
(Actual email:)
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Thanks to you, President-elect Obama and Vice President-elect Biden will take their oaths of office in just 17 days.
You helped shape history, and now you can be a part of it.
Ten supporters and their guests will be selected to come to Washington, D.C. for several days of inaugural events. You could be chosen to fly to Washington, attend the welcome ceremony, the Inaugural parade, the swearing-in, and an official Inaugural ball.
Will you donate $25 or more now? You could be part of the historic events you made possible.
This inauguration will be open to hundreds of thousands of people. To do that, it takes unprecedented resources.
In the past, inaugurations have been funded by lobbyists and corporations making six-figure contributions. Like our campaign, this inauguration is going to be different. But that means, once again, Barack and Joe need to ask you for your help.
Supporters like you made this possible, and with your help Barack and Joe will run their administration without the influence of big money from Washington lobbyists or special interests. Funding the Inauguration this way is another example of the change you helped bring to Washington.
It's up to you, at this crucial moment, to make the Inauguration a success and give change a strong start.
Will you make a donation of $25 or more now for the opportunity to join Barack and Joe at the beginning of this historic journey to change our country?
https://donate.pic2009.org/tickettohistory
Thank you for your extraordinary efforts throughout the campaign.
Happy New Year,
Obama for America
P.S. -- You can participate without donating. We recognize this day is as important as it is historic, and we want to hear in your words what this inauguration means to you.
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Upon receiving the invitation, my first thought was that they must have heard of my Supreme Credentials for Essay Writing. After all, I did win an essay contest in 11th grade sponsored by the National Council of Teachers of English. And oh yes: I also got an A+ (better than a regular old A) in English Comp in college. Impressive, right? It’s probably unfair to even open this contest to the general public because of those two fine achievements right there.
Because I’m a good American (in spite of what Sarah Palin says,) I got right to work, crafting a literary gem heralding the plight of the middle class working person. If you read it, you’d laugh! You’d cry! You’d beg me to write another! OK, maybe not, but you’d probably appreciate my good spelling.
I had visions of “Barack” and “Joe” reading my essay. They’d be so moved that they’d immediately send a limo for me, the writer who represents The Voice of The Working Person like no other before her. Crowds in Washington would be chanting my name, thankful that someone finally crafted words fit to highlight their long overlooked struggle. “Barack” and “Joe” would thank me personally, at a private reception after the Inauguration, grateful that I alerted them to the greatest problem in America which they would now handily fix. Stocks would soar. There would be world peace. Suddenly, I would be in great demand. I’d have more speaking engagements lined up than Joe the Plumber. The balance in my checking account would exceed the $2.32 currently in it. All because of my brilliant essay.
Back to reality. It’s been five days since I submitted my Nobel prize-worthy entry and the phone isn’t ringing. There are no emails from any of the Obama folks in my computer inbox (well, except for the one about the Limited Edition Commemorative Inaugural Place Mat.) I’m trying to not think the worst, but maybe my essay wasn’t the pinnacle of literary genius that I thought it was. Maybe I’m not (gasp!) one of the ten contest winners.
To console myself about this rejection, I’m spending my time listening to slow, sad songs by The Carpenters (Karen Carpenter, why’d you have to go?) I’m drowning my sorrows in Diet Dr. Pepper. I’m remembering that heady, hope-fueled time of daily emails from David Plouffe, promising Commemorative Campaign Magnets and Limited Edition Christmas ornaments. I’m treasuring those loving, sincere Thank Yous at the end of each communication. (Shut UP! They were so loving! Maybe yours weren’t but mine definitely were.)
Ah, yes, those were the days. At least I’ll always have my memories and my Barack Obama Commemorative Inaugural Tea Cozy to sustain me.
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Comments
LandP - I must really be out of the running because I'm not getting any emails at all. I did see on the Today Show that they picked the first winner, but I haven't heard anything since. Now I really feel slighted!
Jane - I might have exaggerated a bit about the Tea Cozy but eventually they're going to run out of things to use to try to get us to donate. What will be left? Tea Cozies.
Jimmy - Yes, but did you get an A+ in English Comp?
i'm with you on every clever thing, well, except for the Karen Carpenter thing.
RATED, because, you know, it's me.
Politicians! Hrummmph! Even the good ones will break your heart.
This was HILARIOUS, by the way. I'm laughing through my tears.
I didn't write an essay or send money and my emails are signed Barack. heh
Mrs. Michaels - I can do "clingy and better" with the best of 'em!
Teddy - Maybe the Obama people will see that you think my writing is brilliant. Maybe all is not lost!
Laurel - Hmmm...I don't know about you, but I'm starting to feel that maybe I'm not his only one...
Sally - Your emails are signed "Barack?" Waaaah! Quick! I need more Carpenters and Dr. Pepper!
x nada
Very sad for you not hearing from Barack and Joe, but very good for us that it created the impetus for this post.
Did you get your inaugural invitation in the mail? I got one. It invited me to watch from afar---in so many words.
Anyway, there's still plenty of time left for them to contact you. Don't give up hope.
Not only do I want to see the essay, as Sally mentioned, but I think we should also have a look at that 11th grade essay.
Just be prepared to be patted down by very undiplomatic security staff after wrestling you to the ground and jabbing your ribs with their fists, shouting at you to lay face down while they search every part of your body and clothing for the official invitation, at which point they will be uncustomarily apologic and profusely asking for forgiveness for this terrible oversight, whiping the dirt and snow off your clothes, mumbling their oath to defend and protect the new Prez and surely, you understand...and would you like a private audience with Obama during the inauguration ball, offering to drive you by limo to your hotel where you will change into your gown like Cinderella going to the ball...you will be interviewed by CNN and Entertainment Tonight, offered various endorsements and chased by every daytime talk show host. Your face will turn up in a few national rags being escorted by Oprah and Tom Cruise and pummeled to the ground once again by the Paparazzi, after which you will be taken to jail for impersonating an inaugural guest.
Are you sure you want to go?
Turns out, I can buy an Inaugural Tea cup for $78.00. (I hate the moment of weakness that caused me to be tempted, by this.) Or more reasonably, a cobalt blue coffee mug for $20.00, each with the Inaugural Seal in gold. Dishwasher safe. But I have a gazillion mugs. Unless I have the San Jose Sharks over for hot chocolate, just how many mugs does a single woman living alone who is not overly sociable need? Answer; I have too many mugs already to be tempted, Barack, honey. Sorry.
Or photographs. I can get a BIG Photo for $300, or a small one for $150.00 or so. Just as nice as pie. But he never says word one about telling my sweet little Nina that she's his first choice for Purrgeon General. No wonder her little tail has been lashing so much, lately!
m.a.h - I didn't get anything by regular mail. But then again, I have a stoned mail carrier who enjoys mixing up everyone's mail on the street so it could be anywhere.
hyblaean - Perhaps when I officially lose, I'll put it up. I wouldn't want anyone to plagiarize its brilliance (gah! I'm starting to turn my own stomach now!)
Karin - Terrific essay opener! Sometimes you've got to remind them how they wouldn't be where they are now if it wasn't for you.
Regarding the stat counter: Get thee to Artsfish's blog. She gives instructions for how to do it. http://open.salon.com/content.php?cid=66742 (sorry I can't make it a live link. That never seems to work for me in comments.)
Freaky - You sent him a picture of your foothole? How on earth can my words possibly complete with troll porn?
David - It was impressive. It earned me a gen-u-wine certificate (suitable for framing) with my name written in calligraphy on it and everything!
Cathy - You make it sound like getting pushed to the ground by the secret service is a BAD thing.
Shiral - I hear you on the mugs, but this: "Unless I have the San Jose Sharks over for hot chocolate, just how many mugs does a single woman living alone who is not overly sociable need?" made me laugh up a lung!
gracie - $750? Per ticket? I think I'll just treasure my Loving Thank You and be grateful they're not asking me for that kind of dough!
But, dear, sweet Lisa ~ I'm pretty sure this was a chain letter ... maybe the bottom part about send this to 10 people in 10 minutes somehow got deleted ... I dunno ... but not getting invited to the "event" is probably the bad luck you must endure for not forwarding to enough friends/quickly enough ...
oh well ... you can dress up & come over to my house & we'll innaugurate together :) ... nothing dirty ... lol
(How do you do that stat thing? I want one!)
1IM- Yes, we can innaugurate together and share in each other's brilliance! Take THAT, "Barack" and "Joe!"
Jess - Whee! Do you really think so?! I messaged you about the stat counter.
Pamela - It sounds like much of what they do is totally random and merely an attempt to stay in touch with the masses. There's probably a large team of people who send these things out. Of course I want to believe that "Barack" and "Joe" will personally read my very moving essay. :)
What I am getting a bit pissed about is the constant barrage of emails, all intimately written, "Dear Monte," and signed Barack, Joe, Michelle, David, John, etc. They really don't know me well enough to take that liberty that exudes faux friendship. And I haven't bothered to read the last 2000 or so I have gotten.
But I get them every day or so and they pile up like cord wood. And the trouble I have with these intimately written letters is that every one of them has an ulterior motive called MONEY.
During the campaign Sue and I dutifully sent in our $15 or $25 donations time and again whenever they wrote about some crisis that only our money could carry them through, and we never did top out at out joint $500 limit, but we came close, and we are far from swimming in money. We missed a few dinners out and some neat things I wanted on Amazon for "the cause."
But, last time I checked, the cause won. Yet first it was to support the cost of the Transition and then the cost of the Inauguration. What is next? Maybe paying the cost of their kids tuition to let them go to the best private school in DC? Maybe pay for the cost of the thoroughbred puppy that they are now thinking about. What happened to getting a pound mutt?
So I am sick of the constant vampire quality of these lovely emails, constantly trying to suck just that next little hard earned dollar from your wallet.
Your story was good. It is valid and well written. I give you an A++.
And you also get extra credit for providing a venue for a rant that has been building in me for months now.
Monte
Spud - I'm glad to have you in my corner. :)
I got it out of my system by venting here. Not that you wanted it or expected it but I didn't know I was going to do it until it was done. Sorry I went on and on like that.
One good thing I have been noticing the last few years is that things that I hang on to for a couple of months like this just go "poof" if I just quit stewing about it and write it out.
So thank you for providing a venue for my "therapy session", that, of course, neither of us knew was going to happen.
I doubt any of this is making any sense. Its 3 am and I need to go to bed. G'nite. And you are "really good people" as one of my boys used to say when he was little.
Monte ;-)
Monte - Speaking of motorcycle guys, nice to see you here. Feel free to rant in my little corner of cyberspace any time you want. Everything seems to make more sense and feel a whole lot better when you write about it, doesn't it?
I also can get you any of these things with Bob Marley, Malcolm X, or the Lion of Judah on them.
I charge a 15% handling fee, plus cost of shipping.
I received a beautiful invitation by email (looking engraved on my screen) to a ball - at $750, they got the wrong gal.
If they'd sent it by snail mail, at least I'd have a keepsake.
ME, ME, ME, figured ME would have a front row seat and tea with the family after my EXCELLENT essay.
I didn't even get the tea cozy.
That's OK.
The best seat is in my living room anyway!
I totally need to draft a donation letter in my honor:
Dear Lisa:
You're a great writer. Will you donate $25 or more to the repair of leaky valve cover gasket? Be part of this monumental event TODAY! And I'll send you a commemorative mug with uh...my mug on it.
Sincerely,
Beth for America