Monday, June 25, 2012

The Wedding Ring


DECEMBER 1, 2008 8:55AM

The Wedding Ring

RATE: 45
I, take you, to be my lawfully wedded husband,... 
They were childhood friends from The Neighborhood.  She was the youngest of 5 siblings and he was the middle child of 7 siblings.  She was Irish and Catholic.  He was German and Protestant.  Love blossomed anyway on the streets of Philadelphia by way of Depression-era games such as Kick the Can.   
When he was 19 and she was 18, they eloped to Elkton, Maryland.  There had been no engagement; their families did not approve.  They both snuck out of their parents’ houses.  It was quite unromantic.  A simple gold band and a paper certificate made it official.  After the ceremony, they returned to their own families, hiding the fact that they’d gotten married just hours earlier. 
When their marriage was discovered, their families warned them that it wouldn’t last.  He was forbidden to see her until he rebelled in an uncharacteristic way.  He left home and rented an apartment.  Finally, they could be together as man and wife. 
To have and to hold, for better or for worse,.... 
Through the years, they raised a family comprised of two boys and a girl.  He built their house with his bare hands on a piece of land they’d purchased for $2,000. 
They lived a simple life.  He was a carpenter, she was a homemaker.  They vacationed at a cabin in the mountains.
Their children grew up, got married, and had children of their own.  There were no prouder grandparents anywhere.  They bought a travel trailer and went camping, bringing the grandchildren along.   
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish... 
She started to not feel well but ignored it.  She wouldn’t have gone to a doctor at all except that her periods of sickness were interfering with her camping. He was with her when she got the news:  colon cancer. 
He vowed to take care of her, and he did.  He stayed with her during the chemotherapy.  He grocery shopped and cleaned house while she slept, sick, from so much poison in her body. He cleaned up after her when she’d gotten sick.  He cooked dinner, even if he didn’t exactly know how.  When he felt overwhelmed, he ordered take-out.  Most of all, he made sure that she knew she was loved. 
It seemed as if the cancer was retreating.  She was feeling a bit better... until that day when she wasn’t.  More tests.  A CAT scan.  An MRI.  A biopsy.  Then the news:  the cancer had spread to her liver.  She was given three months at worst, nine months at best. 
From this day forward... 
Although she proved the doctors wrong and lived for three years, those years were not easy ones.  So many tests, so many doctors, so much medication, so much sickness.  Which was worse, the cancer, or the treatment?  She received hospice care.  Still, he stayed with her and took care of her.  He never complained because he’d made a promise to her over 50 years ago. 
until death us do part. 
One day, she woke up feeling better than she had in years.  She was so excited that she cleaned the windows and cooked dinner.  She’d been given the gift of a last good day. 
Not 24 hours later, she lay in a bed in a darkened hospital room.  She was in a coma, induced by the morphine that dripped steadily into her veins.  Her closed eyes and irregular breath signaled that not much time was left.  Her family surrounded her in hushed, expectant waiting. 
Her small body rested on its side against the bedrail.  One of her hands draped over the top of it, not holding on, just resting there.  Suddenly, the silence was interrupted by a metallic "kerchink" sound.   Her daughter, standing on the side of the bed closest to her mother's hands, stooped down to see what fell.  It was her mother’s wedding ring; that same simple gold band that she’d worn for 56 years, on fingers crippled and bent with arthritis.  Remarkably, the ring had simply fallen off her finger. 
Her breathing became shallow.  He kissed her, one final time, and told her he loved her.  Her body released its final breath just moments after the ring had fallen off her finger.  It was her final loving gesture.  She was gone, and he was released in "death us do part".    

In Memory of my mother-in-law, Claire Spencer Kern  9/24/1930 – 3/18/2005

Comments

Wow Lisa this is so lovely. Your writing never fails to draw me in, take me there, and deliver. Now I'm crying. Good tears. Tears of love. Thanks.
There is nothing like coming to a blog like this one. I am blown away. This is why my laptop is open. i feel raw, like everty nerve of emotion inb my body is jangling. i don't want to repeat the line of 'love story' so I will say this 'Wonderful'.
Suzy
I love how you wove in the wedding vows in and how each one fit just right. It brought tears to my eyes. Forbidden love that prevails is always such a beautiful thing.
Beautiful. You said it all.

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Lisa--what a beautiful and loving story, a tribute to your in-law's marriage and long love affair. In sickness and in health...a legacy more than fit to pass on to your children. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Gracielou, Suzy, Jess, Greg, Moana, and Mary. Muy in-laws lived an ordinary life but one that truly honored their wedding vows. When the ring fell off of her finger, I would never have believed it could happen if I wasn't there to witness it. The cancer took away many things but it couldn't take away the love.

Many thanks for your kind comments.
Lisa,

A beautiful, sad story; beautifully and lovingly told.
Wonderful story, very touching.
A real love story. Beautifully told, Lisa.
Lisa, I took a moment to sit quietly and appreciate the beauty of your story, your writing, your in-law's marriage. Phew. Then I rated this, and somehow the system felt what I felt.. it gave you 2 ratings. :)

Thank you for showing us what love is.
m.a.h. and Lea - Your compliments mean the world because you are two of my very favorite writers on OS. Thank you!

High Lonesome, Roger, and Liz - I am thrilled to see you here - thank you so much!

Sally - Thank you! That's high praise coming from someone who knows how to craft a beautiful love story (I loved your Mom's story!)

hyblaen - Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. :)

LuluandPhoebe - Indeed, life is fragile and short. Thank you for stopping by to read and comment.
Wow. Good post. They sound like a great couple. I hope your father-in-law is doing OK. It's a hard season for widowers and widows.
A beautiful tribute, Lisa, and beautifully written.
angrymom - My father-in-law has since remarried. That's a whole 'nother story!

Mindy - I appreciate your kind words. :)
Gorgeous story. Beautiful writing. Thank you for sharing this. :)
Thank you for your heartfelt post of your in-laws’ beautiful story. These days, there’s nothing ordinary about a loving marriage of over 50-years.
Screamin' mama - Thank you! I appreciate you stopping by.

David - I agree: a marriage lasting more than 50 years - 50 YEARS! - is a colossal feat. I appreciate your kind words.
This is a wonderful retelling, absolutely wonderful. Just 6 months ago I tended to my ex-husband in his last 9 days, from colon cancer that spread to his liver.
That was beautiful. Tears here, too.
Monique - I feel for you. You know exactly what my father-in-law went through. I'm sorry for your loss. Your ex was fortunate to have you with him at the end.

Marple - Aw, thank you so much! :)
Wow Lisa!

This should join your other editors' picks.

Of course, I'd like to think that there's no such thing as "death do us part" for every loving thought is eternal, and a lifetime of love will surely last forever.

D
Diana - I agree. Love is eternal. Thank you for stopping by. I've missed you!
Lisa, this is beautiful. This is what love is all about. I had not read your post when I posted my most recent "Love and Dehydration," but I see we're on the same wavelength. Thanks for this one.
Faith - Love clearly evolves over a lifetime, as you've no doubt seen with your parents. Thank you for reading my in-law's story. Your story about your parents captures mature love beautifully.
Beautiful. Their story is what I always wished for, but never found.
Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us. (rated)
A beautifully written testament that brings the main character to life, even if she is gone.....
It's so easy and tempting to dwell on what we give up for marriage. Most of what we give up for marriage we can do without. I don't want to live without what these two had. A very well-written tribute.
This just says it ALL. Thank you!
It's all been said. But they were lucky to have each other.
Incredibly moving and beautifu.
Thank you for sharing this touching portrait of your MIL.

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Beautifully written, expertly constructed, move moving. Thank you. Rated.
I'm getting sick of the 'death threads' here. I'm trying to be understanding and all but there are just so damn many of them that I get bummed out reading them. Nothing personal but wow, there are so many of them.

I feel for your loss. My own mother-in-law has had cancer for nearly a decade but the last thing that I'd do is write about it here except to maybe get more recognition for her rare form of cancer. She has dealt with her illness with incredible courage and selflessness. Sice we all probably face a similar fate, I only hope to meet my demise with such grace and humour.

I'm sure to make more friends here but can people write about more joyous things than 'so and so died'... Death is a personal thing to me. Maybe Open needs to have an obituary section or something.

There just have been so many... It's getting morose and morbid...
Boomer - Thank you. I think it's the greatest gift to find such devotion from another person.

cartouche - I appreciate your compliment, especially coming from such a talented writer as yourself.

jimmymac - Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.

Chicago Guy - I'm thrilled to see you here. Thank you for reading my story.

Umbrella - You're making me blush! Thank you so much. You're the best.

Lisa - I agree; they were lucky to have each other. My story is a bit one-sided but she certainly gave a lot to him over the years, as it should be.
O'Stephanie - Once again, you are so kind to me. Thank you!

O'Kathryn- What a treat to see you here! Thank you for the compliments on my writing.

Redstocking Grandma - What nice words! You've made my day. :)
Gonzoid - I'm sorry that you're upset that my story has a death in it. The post is actually not about death, but about a marriage, and all that commitment entails, over the course of 56 years. Since all life ends in death, it's unreasonable to exclude it especially since the part about the ring falling off of crippled and bent fingers was the truly miraculous part. To me, this serves to highlight that love endures, even when the body is gone.

If you take the time to read my other posts, you'll see that I am primarily a humor writer. I value life and joy and levity and optimism. Sometimes, however, other stories need to be told. I'm sorry you were disappointed in this one.
sad, lovely & powerful. thanks for sharing this beautiful story.
I am crying, too. What a beautiful gift you have given your mother-in-law's family. This should be required reading for anyone thinking about getting married. This is what these vows really mean. They aren't just words. I am so glad you told this story. Now, it is not lost.
Interesting point by gonzoid and worth discussing. Confession: My first few stories got some play and comments and my last one disappeared into the abyss. It was kind of funny. I determined that my next one would not leave a dry eye in the house. Make 'em weep. Make 'em gush. Make 'em blow snot bubbles into their keyboards. I have been trolling this neighborhood for only a couple of weeks and, yeah, "poigniancy" does seem to draw a crowd. But it is also a trap. If garnering sympathy is obviously the motive, treacle is the result. Handled with intelligent perspective and some detachment, as I believe Ms. Kern does here, the result can be an illustrative study in the value of loyalty which enriched these people's lives. I was not sorry for these people. I was happy.
Its a well written tribute, Lisa. A beautiful testament to 56 years of love, respect, companionship and devotion.

Death is part of life. Last time I checked we are all going to do it. How we handle the death of loved ones and our own death says much about how well we live or have lived our lives.

Your in laws handled it all with grace.

You wrote a life story, not a death story. And it is beautiful.

Monte
Very touching and well written.

Thanks

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Lisa (lps) – Thank you :)

Lisa in Wisconsin – Wow, thank you! I’m so glad that you found meaning in their story.

JL – I’m sorry for the tears, but appreciate your kind words.

Jimmymac – You get it! Thank you for deriving from the story what I was trying to convey. By the way, I’ve read your lighter piece and you are totally selling yourself short. I expect that soon it will enjoy a much larger audience.

Monte – I am thrilled to see you here. Your comment really touched me. I’m happy that you found the message, too. You’re right: it IS a life story. Thank you so much for taking time to read and leave such a beautiful response.

Zumi – Thank you so much!
Lisa, this was beautiful. What a wonderful story, what strong love. I too am crying.
A perfect piece of writing. Just lovely. Thank you for sharing. It is good to feel. I'm trying to do that more. Thanks!
Perfect, Lisa, just perfect.
That was a truly moving story and I'm glad you shared it. I don't get the negative comments but whatever.
merwoman - I can't see your avatar now without remembering how your dogs got like that. Thanks for stopping by. :)

ConnieMack and Laurel, not Lauren - Wow! Thank you but I'm not sure I'm deserving of such high praise. I appreciate both of you taking time to read and comment.

Denise - I'm happy that you enjoyed my story. I appreciate your kind words very much.
I didn't have time to read all the comments yesterday, but when I checked back today and saw a comment from Denise about negative comments, I had to read them all.

First, I completely agree with what others have said about this--this is a story of a life together. It is the life that made it beautiful and tear-worthy, otherwise the death scene would have meant little.

Gonzoid, if you don't like stories about death, don't read them. It's as simple as that. There are plenty of humorous posts on OS, so stick to them. Same-same, if you don't like posts about pets, or dating, or romance, or politics, or whatever--don't read them. No one is holding a gun to your head.
merwoman - Thank you for confirming that this was a post about life. I'm a bit suprised that gonzoid clicked on it when the quote on the cover (assuming he/she'd found my post that way) clearly indicated "a last good day." Maybe he/she just needed to vent his frustration. In any case, I appreciate your support.
You're very welcome!
(Originally Posted On Open Salon - Editor's Pick)

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