Monday, June 25, 2012

Things to do while the kids are away


JUNE 23, 2009 10:57PM

Things to do while the kids are away

RATE: 37
Evan's first fish (a walleye).  Matt caught one, too 2004
(yes, these are my boys, and yes, they both caught those impressive walleye)

It’s summer camp season; that glorious time of year when many children enjoy fun activities at sleep-away camp.  Camp week doesn’t have to mean fun only for the kids, however.  If planned properly, even the most loving, dedicated parents can take advantage of time alone without their spawn to relax, rejuvenate, and refresh inexpensively.  Here are some ideas to get you started:


  • Spend money like you still have some:  Have fun for a week imagining that you still have money and that you didn’t already spend it all on their diapers, dentistry, driving mishaps, and college education.  Enjoy that feeling of a crisp twenty in your pocket, which, unfortunately, is all that remains of your savings account.  Feel free to splurge on that new toilet bowl brush or underwear you’ve been coveting.  Go ahead.  Live it up. You deserve it.

  • Have sex:   Remember what it used to be like to have sex without thinking about it?  Those of you with multiple kids, do you even remember sex at all?  Nah, neither do I.  Still, for a week, we can all pretend that we’re couples once again.  This time, don’t forget the condoms.  Remember what happened the last time you did?  Right.  You just dropped Surprise Child off at summer camp.

  • Clean the house:  I know, I know...no way is house cleaning fun, but hear me out.  Doing it while the kids are away means that you can actually clean the house and it will stay that way for longer than the usual five minutes. Better take pictures.  A week isn’t very long, but waiting a whole year until the next week without children certainly is.

  • Invite people over:  You might as well scratch a few of those obligatory payback-invites from your To-Do list while the house is clean.  Just think: you can clean the house today and invite people over two days from nowwithout having to re-clean it.  You’re trembling with excitement at the thought of it, aren’t you?  I know; I had the exact same reaction!

  • Get rid of all of their annoying toys:  You know that loud pinball machine from Aunt Frances that registers a 5 on the Richter scale or that obnoxious stuffed dog that barks as if it’s possessed?  Yard Sale ‘em while the kids are gone!  It’s the perfect time to reclaim your peace and quiet.  By the time the kids realize they’re missing, you can honestly answer, “Those things?  I haven’t seen them in ages. 

  • Play all of the music that you love but which the kids consider embarrassing.  No one’s home to roll their eyes while you enjoy your favorite tunes, so break out those old vinyl albums and CDs.  Hopefully they haven’t all melted into plastic soup from being stored in the attic.

  • Have a Sock-Pitching Party!  Throw out all of their dirty socks and buy new ones.  You deserve a break from dealing with laundry, especially the smelly, nasty kind that’s part of having children.  Enjoy that feeling of satisfaction knowing that your home won’t smell like a locker room for one whole week.

  • Hog the Wii.  You know you want to, so go ahead.  Play Wii Sports all you want.  Have a bowling marathon.  Practice your fastball.  Work to earn the top scores so that once the kids get home, they’ll be so busy trying to beat your score that they won’t dare utter the dreaded b-word (bored) for at least an hour or two. 

  • Try not to miss them too much.  Even though they’re stinky, messy, expensive, and loud, they do kind of grow on you after a while.  Thankfully, it’s only a week and they’ll be home soon (with laundry.) 
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Comments

If sex wasn't on your list I would gonna recommend professional help. Rated.
When I read that first paragraph, for a minute I thought it said "even the most loving dedicated parents can take advantage of their time alone to spawn..." Based on your comment about "Surprise Child," turns out I wasn't far off.

Have fun!
It is terrible of me to say that my husband is away for a week and I feel the same way about most of the things on this list, except the sex part? I'm cleaning and entertaining the "girls" while he is gone. Sangria and sarongs -- bring 'em on.
Since OE referenced the sex, I'll add that the trying not miss them too much rarely works-- except when there is no coitus interruptis... dang.. I did reference it. rAted!
"Remember what it used to be like to have sex without thinking about it?"

NO :-)
You forgot to mention all that food that you like to eat but can't because it would be setting a bad example. It was years before I figured out we didn't have junk food around not because my mother was worried about my will power, but because she was worried about her own.
"Get rid of all of their annoying toys"

My 21 year old daughter is ADHD. She does well without her meds now, but when she was a young child, she was like lightning during an electrical storm - everywhere. I don't mean a little overly active, I mean bouncing off the walls and along with ADHD, kids often exibit other curious behavioral oddities - hers is OCD.

She collected rocks and sticks. When I would clean the Jeep out after our hikes in Durango, I would throw rocks that were stuffed in the door pockets, cup holders, console, seats and everywhere else she could find.

It was strange. A month later, she would ask where the rocks were and she'd become quite perterbed when I repsonded "I threw them out." We now have boxes, upon boxes of ROCKS stored in the garage. The movers loved us when we moved nto our house.
OES - I was going to list it first. :)

Laurel - Bwahaha! I like your version better.

Emma - You are not terrible at all. I break out the wine and chick flicks when my husband goes away. Enjoy your week!

Mr. Mustard - I have a hard time remembering that there used to be coitus without the interruptis.

Boomer Bob - Looks like you've got plenty of company!

Mrs. Michaels - You're right - I forgot about the food, although not just the kind but the quantity. My kids have been gone since Sunday and there's still a gallon of milk in the fridge. Normally it's gone in 36 hours.
Boomer Bob - Your daughter's habit of collecting rocks and sticks doesn't seem strange to me. We have boxes of rocks in our garage, too, but they're mine. Of course these days, there's no way I'd remember which ones were gone if someone were to suddenly throw them out!
So funny, but you forgot:

Have an actual uninterrupted conversation
Eat without having to cut anybody else's meat
Drink to excess
Dance naked
Find a new hiding place for the sex toys

Oh, and don't ditch those dirty socks. Save them for when they're grown and in their own place, so you can tuck them in between the couch cushions to surprise them when you visit.
Nora - I bow to you and your supreme motherliness. First I forget about the food, and now re-hiding the sex toys. Saving the stinky socks to hide later is brilliantly evil. Next time, I'm consulting you first.
Summer Camps were conceived in Heaven.....
Man this made me smile until my face cracked.....
Great Lisa!!
I like the Wii and sex ideas best, not necessarily in that order.
Oh, but I should have consulted you about sleep away camp, (why didn't I ever do that?) and writing brilliant posts. I hope more writing is on your list. Have fun.
rated for life as it's really lived
Eat food that the kids don't like, or better yet, buy the snacks that they love and always get to before you do! :)
Look at those dudes and their fish! My bro would be so proud.

Great post - wishing you a fantastic week.
funny & true! -- the thing I always liked to do while the kids were gone (which was once, I think) was watch all the movies I couldn't watch while they were around. Also: books. An uninterrupted novel! Okay...and really expensive ice cream, the kind you can't afford to share with the entire family but for one or two...yum!
Very funny and a fine catch of walleyes to boot! Very handsome. No, not the fish, your boys, silly. Enjoy your time off, Lisa. This week will pass before you know it. You may want to move that sex thing to the top of the list. ;-)
Too, too funny. I suppose I can dream of what that would be like. – a whole week. (Mmm)

And I’m w/Annette in admiring your boys and their amazing catch. Frankly, it’s impressive that they’re holding the fish, let alone that they caught them.
Sleep in
Soak up the quiet.
Go out to breakfast, or just read the funnies uninterrupted.
Be glad to see them when they come home. =o)
"You know that loud pinball machine from Aunt Frances that registers a 5 on the Richter scale or that obnoxious stuffed dog that barks as if it’s possessed?"

Ah, now I know where my drum set went.
Fortunately, my kids LOVE the Barry Manilow CDs as much as I do.
Erma Bombeck was only wounded. :-)
Glad you're going to make hay while the sun shines, Lisa. Sex it up, girl!
Gary - You made ME smile! XOXO

Roger - That Wii is awfully tempting, isn't it?

Nora - If they're not too old, you should consider summer camp. It's a parental vacation, too. Thanks for the kind words. XOXO

Roy - Thank you for 'getting it.' :)

High Lonesome - We just did this last night! I love Diet Dr. Pepper but the kids always drink it all. I only ever getting one or two out of a case. We bought a case last night and hid it in the garage fridge. I should be able to have at least three of them before the kids come home.

Annette - Thanks. The fish are amazing, aren't they? The older boy was 9 and the little one was 5 when they caught them. It's one of my favorite photos.

LandP - You're describing my week! I do miss them, but a break from being a 24/7 mom is a nice treat.
Suzie - Yes! Reading a book without having to re-read the same paragraph five times is definitely something I am doing. It's funny you mentioned the ice cream. We just bought some of our favorite, premium variety last night (along with the Diet Dr. Pepper!) to enjoy while the kids are away. Once they find the ice cream, it's all over.

Michael - You know it! To heck with doing the items on this list in order. :)

David - Thanks! Right after that picture was snapped, the little one dropped his fish. It's hard to believe but that was the first fish he'd ever caught. Go big or go home, I guess!

Shiral - I forgot to list the sleeping-in part, but I've been doing it. Thank you for stopping by. :)

Cindy - I know! As they get older, you see less of them, but more of their friends. It feels like I'm gaining children as mine grow, even though the oldest is gone more.

JK - Too funny! It would make things a lot more interesting if Wii had a sex option and then Roger wouldn't have to choose.

Mr. E - Uh-oh. I've let the secret of mothers everywhere slip out. There's going to be consequences for this, I'm afraid.

Steve - Right...I'm sure they do.

Sourie - XOXO!

Pamela - I don't know about making hay but rolling in it sure sounds nice. :)
Rearrange the furniture. It's kind of fun to watch the kids stumble.
This is great! Mine goes next week and I'm psyched. I thought I might try out that Guitar Hero.
Cartouche - Great idea! I've thought of converting their rooms into hobby and exercise rooms while they're gone but that might throw them over the edge.
Faith - Enjoy your week. Have fun channeling your inner rock star while they're away and can't roll their eyes at you.
Is it sad that I don't have kids and can relate to all of this list except the sex and money part? (The fella is in Maryland visiting his family this week.)

Will keep the necessity of sleepaway camp on my list for when I do have kids.
YES ~ yes, yes, and yes again ... did I mention ... YES!!!

When my kids are gone, I throw away so much of their stuff that I probably should call the dumpster place to come drop an industrial size container on the front lawn! I'm sure our garbage man needs 3 months of physical therapy after hauling that crap into the back of his truck~!

Great post Lisa! But seriously ... nowhere do I see "Get drunk and listen to Pink Floyd" ...
Perfect! Which reminds me, I need to find somewhere for the Giant to spend a couple of weeks this summer . . .
After 33 years of nonstop kid-raising I can only imagine this. My youngest is 15.

3 to go.
Leeandra - The list seems to work for occasional PITA fellas, too. Enjoy your week!

Ann - Getting drunk and listening to Pink Floyd works any time. You should try it.

deepcleav - It's well-worth the marathon shopping and packing excursions to get them properly outfitted and sent-off. Maybe next year?

Owl - Uh-oh...you weren't hoping to send him to my place, were you?

Greg - 33 years?! Oh my. I feel guilty complaining about 19 years. You, sir, deserve a medal. And a vacation. Not necessarily in that order.
@Lisa - He's a great kid - honest - but I wouldn't do that to you! (although he could probably help you with the dishes)
Even with a 16 year old, I am always grateful for an empty house, although I DO miss her noise and mess, oddly enough!
Nicely, done.
Owl - Dishes, huh? Maybe I should reconsider!

Lisa - Mine have been gone five days and I miss them. They come home tomorrow. :)
My boys are gone every August. The first year it was an adjustment, but since then, it's been wonderful. I too clean - first thing - then enjoy the way everything stays tidy, uncluttered, and just as it should be almost effortlessly for the rest of the month. I always feel a little like Mary Tyler Moore ! (throws beret in air!)
Cleaning a house free of kids rocks. Really! A little wine, a Lifetime movie, I'm just fine with a dust rag.
*Spend money like you still have some (buying chocolate, champage and toys) * Play all of the music that you love but which the kids consider embarrassing (while having sex)
* Have a Sock-Pitching Party AND * Invite people over (you never know what kind of kinky activities could follow) Then, * Clean the house (while recovering from the hangover) and * Get rid of all of their annoying toys (only be distracted by) * Hog(ging) the Wii. (You’ll be so busy that neither of you will )* Try not to miss them too much.

Hehehe

RATED!
Wait just one minute missy...while I am faithfully watching over god knows how many children this summer, making sure they bathe once a week and eat something not in patty form at least once a day, you are out there galavanting around, having sex and entertaining gorwn-ups? I will not stand for this!
Poppy Su - Very nice to meet you! So your boys are gone every August? As in, for a MONTH? I'm very jealous. You can get an awful lot of Wii-playing and cleaning done in a month!

Tricia - I can tell you've done this before. :)

Lady Miko - Bwahaha! Now that's what I call multi-tasking!

mamoore - I feel for you if you're the one in charge of making them shower (a bunch of kids + hot summer weather = more stink than the laundry basket.) Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to the mountain o'stink, I mean, laundry that just came home with my kids.
I love this post (as usual) and totally agree with all Nora's additions. We used to love camp and so did the kid. Now, as an empty nester, it's all camp all the time. Hmmm, come to think of it, see you later....
Stink-empathy! My 8 yr old just came home from her first week as an real camper (vs. a staff kid) and when she took of her shoes the smell was overwhelming. She didn't want me to wash her pillowcase because it smells "like her cabin"...smells like sweaty kids is more like it.
Sally - "All camp all the time..." oh, you do make the empty nest sound so inviting!

mamoore - I hear you about the shoes. I've actually thrown my kids' shoes out because the stench is so bad. Febreeze and Odoreaters are no match for shoes that have walked in a creek and then been worn without socks for an entire week. :)
Spend their college money and tell them you were robbed while they were away. Try it, it works.
O'Really - I like the way your mind works, girl. :)
So true! I am working my way down the list, but not saying which ones I have checked off:-)
MB - Don't worry - I won't tell anyone. :)

Umbrella - I'm glad to see you here! Sadly, my kid vacation is over. It was fun while it lasted.
Hmmmm, I do all of these things when my Husband is away....
Deborah - Your comment cracked me up. P. S. I won't tell him. :)

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