A beautiful fall day is perfect for a country flea market. One thing is certain: even if you can’t find any bargains, there’s always plenty of absurdity to go around. Throw on a pair of your rattiest jeans, a flannel shirt, and a John Deere cap and come along with me to the flea market. You can leave your comb, deodorant, and refined vocabulary at home. You won’t need them where we’re going.
You never know who you’ll run into at the flea market. Even some of Freaky Troll’s extended family were there.
I’m not sure who this guy is (Santa’s killer handyman elf? Horror movie extra?) but I don’t think I’d let him in my house. His apron might say “Screws” and “Bolts” but the maniacal look in his eye suggests that he might have a few loose ones.
The flea market vendors want to stay ahead of the Christmas rush by bringing out their Christmas merchandise before Halloween. How can anyone resist this Hiding Santa? He’s perfect. If he can’t see you, he can’t put you on his Naughty List.
The woman in this painting is butt-ass naked, but apparently the small orange sticky notes over each nipple disguise that fact.
Just a few spots down from the ammo and XXX-rated VHS tapes, welcome to Redneckistan. Here, you can purchase a different fashion statement for every day of the week.
This ought to teach those damn kids to stop throwing their ball into my yard.
It’s all here, even the kitchen sink.
A lot of the vendors are patriotic and want everyone to know it. This vendor shows us how even a pool ladder is enhanced with the addition of an American flag.
Here’s one-stop shopping for the perfect redneck wedding: an Eagles shirt for the groom, a wedding dress for the bride, and a game of Twister for the reception.
Of course, you don’t want to drink too much at the reception or you’ll end up like this poor dog:
Apparently the natives made a wood carving of Gene Simmons.
The astute flea marketer knows that complementary objects arranged together yield successful sales. Notice how the red anvil and the deer antlers enhance the patina of the white elephant table. Can’t you just picture all of them in your living room?
Any idea what this is? Me neither but it doesn’t appear to be G-rated.
Now THAT’S a cauldron! You can easily cook three neighborhood children at one time.
Test tubes? Rocket fuel belt? Your guess is as good as mine.
Doesn’t this little guy just say take me home? Or maybe he says hide the lawn and garden tools.
And he's brought friends. These ones suggest that someone has too much time on his hands.
Oh look! Supplies for incontinence issues at any age:
The pig farmer is a regular at the flea market. Hauling pigs by day...
...and your flea market treasures on the weekend.
No need to remove the pig shit first; just load ‘er up.
This chest promises a Gay Time (or Alternative Lifestyle Time for those politically correct folks.)
Need a tire? How about fifty of them?
Once again, we see the value of purposeful merchandising in action: an antique fire extinguisher for when your antique gas fireplace catches on fire.
File this one under Why Don’t You Just Throw It the Hell Out?
Don’t have a pot to piss in because of the economy? Here’s TWO of them for you.
The old ball and chain, after the divorce:
Admit it. You want one of these, don’t you?
Everyone needs a wooden zebra with a come-hither look in its eye.
In spite of all of the odd offerings, I did manage to find something that I couldn’t live without:
A bad day at the flea market beats a good day working every time.
Comments
Sheepie - Sadly, only two things. It was difficult leaving those yard critters behind, though.
Z - I'll see if it's still there next week and let you know. :)
Michael - Thanks! I'm glad you liked it, even though I failed to include the photo of the fish wearing sunglasses.
My grandparents had one of those on their mantel.
I need to get out more; looks like you had a lot of fun!
Hilarious!
But that's just guessing.
BTW, those aren't TIRES, they are PLANTERS. Didn't you know that? :-D
Flea markets are definitely fun, and you never know what you'll find - my wife picked up a couple of Wallace Nutting's for a song.
Thumbed.
I should scan a pic, I still have a stuffed eagle at a flea market that was so large, if you put it in the backseat of the car you couldn't see out!
You'd die if you saw the one we have in Canton - it's ginormous.
I love this post. It's amazing the crap...I mean stuff...you can find at a flea market. In Louisiana they have them set up every weekend.
They wanted to charge you for taking pictures? Off with their heads!
p.s. The oddest "treasures" I've seen at yard sales: Half-used cosmetics and open boxes of condoms.
You are right, that zebra was downright sexy!!!
I'm pretty sure the giant test tube thingies are containers for paint balls - they also use them for hiding caches in geocaching!
Thanks for the lovely tour - better you than me :)
http://www.flickr.com/photos/billadams/1499155933/
But trying to figure out what the hell that thing was kept me entertained on the internets for the better part of the day.
At the end of the auction there was always a pile of total garbage that nobody wanted. But Jerry the auctioneer wouldn't be put off. He'd just keep throwing boxes of the garbage together as a bigger and bigger lot, yellin', "Who'll gimme a BUCK fer this?"
Somebody always did, and hauled it away. Thus did the Friday Night Auction Barn become empty and ready for the following week.
Thanks for the memories of other people's cast-off crap!
Depends?? Really? Is that legal?
Yes! I can! Please pick these up for me next time... I'll send you a check for the cost and postage... I've cleared a space next to my vintage Coca Cola Machine.
Leeandra - You are impressive, girl. Did you know that ladle-thing was part of a moonshine still or did you research it? Either way, good work. The dog with a hangover must have been popular. I've seen it other times, too.
Spotted Mind - OK, you can have the red anvil but you have to take the deer antlers and the elephant table too. They're a set, you know.
Leeandra - That's what my husband thought it was for, too, but that's not it. The vendor told us what it was and I forgot, but I see that someone farther down in the comments did guess it correctly. We can create our own game and call it Guess The Purpose of This Old Piece of Crap. It would be a huge hit!
Mary - The thing I love most about flea markets is that they're never the same experience twice (plus once in a while, you really do score a treasure!)
Bill S. - Of course - tire planters! I'm poking fun here, but you're right. You can stumble on some wonderful things at a flea market. Thanks for the sweet words. I appreciate your support. :)
littlewillie - I'm glad you got a chuckle out of it. Life's too short to not look for the humor in it.
Jen - Oh you definitely have to scan a picture of the eagle. As big as your backseat? That's a must-see for sure!
I would guess that the caldron and possibly the milk can were also part of the setup.
Julie - The Depends weren't as bad as the giant Hershey bars another booth was selling. I swear, they were from 1974.
Deborah - Thank you!
Marcelle - I don't set the alarm. Alarms never make for a happy day.
Jess - I KNEW someone would want those record bowls! At only a dollar, how can you refuse? There's a design flaw though. The hole in the middle means that you can't put anything liquid or small in it.
Owl - I agree. Flea markets are a good time even if you don't buy anything.
Palindrome - Thank you! It's always nice to see you here.
Disco - Making the record bowls as party favors is actually a great idea. What did you use to melt them?
Silkstone - People sell the oddest things. I once saw a gerbil cage for sale. It still had the gerbil bedding (that shaved wood stuff) - and the gerbil poo - in it. Unbelievable! Thanks for stopping by and for saying such nice things. :)
Juliet - Yes, it's just another service I offer: attending rural flea markets so you don't have to. :) Thanks for playing along at home.
Sao Kay - Thank you! That elf is rather disturbing, isn't he?
Love1lee - Come on up! This particular flea market is every Saturday and Sunday from April 1 through Christmas.
Yuselof - Yes! You're correct! That's exactly what the vendor said that wooden contraption was used for. I'd forgotten until I read your comment. Now poor Leeandra can get some sleep.
Brenda - The next time you go to a flea market, take a look around for odd stuff. It's definitely out there. I think we overlook it when we're looking for the treasures (and treasures do not include that seductive zebra!)
bluesurly - Ah, so the test tubes are for paintball! That makes perfect sense. I think next time I'll just take pictures of things I have no clue what they are and let everyone have fun identifying them.
Leeandra - Yes, Yuselof is correct. You're terrific for researching it, though. The next time I'm stumped with what a certain item is used for, I know who to ask. :)
Verbal - I'd forgotten about auctions! They're a whole 'nother story. I swear the auction house just boxes up everything they find in a house (Geritol tablets, half used tissue boxes, old hair nets) and sells it as a lot. I've gotten valuable antiques at auctions, but I've also gotten stuff that was pure trash. Still, if offered for a buck, those old hairnets can look awfully good.
Surly - Next time, I'll let you know. You would have loved the used bikini wax kit.
Waking - If the Depends freaks you out, I probably shouldn't tell you about the food products.
wschanz - Gomez and Morticia, huh? You probably would have loved the stuffed peacock that I saw there once.
Yakkygirl - OK, but you might have to arm wrestle Spotted_Mind for the anvil.
mamoore - Good grief! How did I miss that the Disturbing Elf guy is electric? Who in their right minds would plug that deranged muppet in?
Leeandra - Your grandfather made moonshine? How cool is that! Now you've made me want to play Guess the Gizmo with other antiques that they have there.
LandP - Thank you! I love quirky and interesting (thus the smiling clock) but some of the stuff people try to sell is just plain odd.
ricepaddie - I love them too. Flea markets are the most fun you can have walking around.
Nana - And you get the bonus of being able to meet the actual meth head who stole them. Win-win!
Gary - It's so nice of you to want to help me out romantically, but your site offering tall and gorgeous men and women won't work for me. You see, I'm only attracted to the short, ugly ones. Tall and gorgeous is just too high-maintenance for me. Let me know if you find any that pick their nose and fart incessantly. Hawt!
latethink - I'm not surprised you've been looking for a red anvil. They're so versatile in home decorating.
I don't know about the game of Twister--sounds like more fun than I've had at some weddings I've attended! And that wedding dress--it's price is probably right for the no pot to piss in crowd.
Rated, if belatedly.
Shiral - It's so nice to see you! About the wedding dress...we went back to the flea market last weekend (to rescue Freaky's family) and it was gone. Someone must have bought it or maybe the bride changed her mind about selling it. The Eagles shirt and Twister were still there. To make the original ensemble really perfect, a shotgun would have been a nice touch, don't you think? Thanks for stopping by!