As is the case with many of us, the current economic climate has forced us to do things we never imagined we’d have to do. For some, giving up premium cable channels and a daily latte is enough to ease the budget. For others like me, more drastic actions are required.
Last year, I wrote about having to sell various items including some family jewelry pieces in order to pay some bills. I thought at the time that I’d sunk to the lowest depths of the lows.
I was wrong.
I’ve now reached a whole new level of low; one that I never dreamed existed.
Tonight I had to ask my 9-year-old son for money so that I could pay the mortgage.
What sort of mother asks her young child for money? A desperate one, that’s who. The recession of 2007-2008-2009-and-now-2010 has dumped quite a bit of financial rubbish on our family. It’s not enough that we’re members of the most forgotten segment of the population – the middle class – but we also have the extreme misfortune of trying to eke out a living in the most cursed of all industries: construction.
We were not among those who profited from the housing boom. We do not build houses, we fix them. We renovate kitchens, update bathrooms, and build sunrooms. We remodel basements and build decks. It’s not work that will make you rich, but it used to be work that could earn you a living.
Not any more. A dozen or so years ago, when everyone decided that they needed to buy brand-new McMansions rather than purchase existing starter homes, the need for remodeling contractors dwindled. Thanks to the sub-prime mortgage and housing debacle, work has dried up even more. Not only is no one spending any money on home improvements, but we’re now competing with people out on work comp or who’ve lost their jobs in other industries for the few jobs that are out there. If we hope to have work at all, we have to bid for it at 1986 prices. Unfortunately, no matter how creative your math skills, 1986 prices fail to pay 2010 costs. We’ve been sinking ever deeper in financial quicksand for three years now.
When you struggle for so long, you eventually find yourself with nothing left to fall back on. Savings have been exhausted, expenses have been cut to the bare minimum, and credit has either been maxed out or evaporated altogether. We’re left without a safety net even as we find ourselves in a dangerous free fall.
The past few weeks find us with the wolves once again at the door but this time, we’ve got nothing to feed them. You see, our perfect storm wasn’t quite perfect enough. We needed an unexpected injury to really make things challenging and that’s exactly what we got.
When you can’t afford to hire employees, you’re forced to work alone. My husband lifted something by himself that ordinarily would have been lifted by two people. At the same time, he slipped on a wet truck bumper, leaving him with a hernia. A hernia means surgery, 5 weeks of recovery time, and lifting restrictions of nothing heavier than a gallon of milk. Unfortunately, there’s not much in construction that’s lightweight. One loaded tool box weighs more than several gallons of milk. Light duty is non-existent in this business so that means no work at all for 5 weeks. No work equals no money when you’re self-employed.
Needless to say, we’re currently unable to pay many of our bills. We’re desperately trying to pay the mortgage, though. Despite snagging every last dollar from every possible place, we’re still woefully short. I don’t think I can pull a rabbit out of my hat this time.
Regardless of the fact that I work three jobs, the money doesn’t go far enough without his income. Plus, if he doesn’t work, I don’t get paid either since one of my jobs is working for him. Each week, we’re falling further and further behind; exactly what we can’t afford to do. Our proverbial rainy day has morphed into a full-blown monsoon and we don’t even have an umbrella.
Even with all of our hardships, I never expected that I’d be reduced to having to borrow money from my kid. Everything about that is wrong. Parents are supposed to keep their children safe and secure, not borrow their Christmas money so that they can live in a house for one more month. Is this what he’s going to remember when he’s grown, the time Mom had to ask him for money? How secure does he feel right now, knowing that his family is so broke that his mom had to ask for his Christmas money?
I pray that I will live long enough to come out on the other side of this. I want to be able to look back with gratitude that we were able to survive such overwhelming economic challenges. I’d like to have the luxury of thinking about something other than where the next dollar is coming from.
Comments
Rated
Hang in there, and remember that you've got three great kids.
I'm tired, too.
Let's march on Wall Street.
You are going through some crap! and for much too long. I do think children are stronger than we give them credit for. And, it was the past depression to beat all depressions that made our greatest citizens. He'll read what you wrote some day and that will make him even stronger and very proud of you and himself. Hang in there. Easy for me to say, but I'm thinking of you and sending healing vibes to your whole family.
But, you're right - the middle class has been forgotten leaving us without many options. I hope we can both find a light at the end of the tunnel.
How true this statement is and this is why I get SO pissed at people who claim that all Americans got themselves into their collective messes. It's just not true. My wife and I are as fiscally conservative and responsible as you will ever find. We went through (and continue to endure) losing our home a few years back and are slowly, but slowly inching our way back to where we had worked for 20 years to get to.
We too have a nine-year old son, and closing the doors to our lovely home and moving into a townhouse at the time broke my heart into a million pieces. He didn't quite understand and he was fine with it as he knows mom and dad will always take care of him, but our collective self-esteems were done permanent damage.
I say all this, like you, not for pity, but to help others (and we know there are many) who are enduring tougher than tough times that it's NOT YOUR FAULT. The rich get richer and the middle and poor get poorer. I don't know the answer. I have lost faith in our government to ever have our best interest at heart.
I sent you a virtual hug, very big and tight and pray that like everyone, things will look up.
Stay strong and much love,
Greg
I think you are doing all these things.
I believe we love and respect our parents all the more for that.
Another thing that those times taught us was the value of money. Today when our father is doing well at his job and I earn a good salary myself, I am all the more thankful for it all.
Believe me your son will benefit from this.
This is a touching story that highlights the plight of millions. I left the commercial flooring business last year after making 1986 money.
I hope that you and your family catch a break soon!
I know of stories where the parents stole their children's funds for drugs, or alcohol, a far cry from what you had to do.
It seems to me that much of the American dream has been ruined by the greed of others, I find that so sad. I believe we need to reinvent ourselves, but I don't know what good that will do you, or people in a similar situation.
I do have great faith in our resiliency, perseverance, and imagination as a nation. Perhaps the green revolution can touch you.
There are many of us who identify with what you are going through. I wish my words could do more.
Do know what your child is going to remember about this years from now? How tough his mom was. Her resilience. How, when things got bad, all of you were in it together and he was able to help out. You may not have much money now, but your son is growing up richer than you know. Hang in there one more day.
Between rising cost, taxes, healthcare and lower wages, single or even double income families are being forced to combine households. I remember growing up in a single parent house and as pre-teen being responsible for many of my expenses and times contributing to the family good from odd jobs and paper route. By my teen years, I was purchasing all my own clothing, car, insurance and personal items. It made me a better person.
I am not saying bring back child labor, but it is not a bad thing for children to realize they are part of a family and being part means sometimes working and giving to that family.
I hope your financial situation improves, but do not feel guilty about asking your son to participate in the family, he will be a better person for it.
I lost my house a few years ago. My wife got cancer, the bills mounted. I have been and i am still in the Same Trouble.
You write this so well. I get not self-pity, just the agony and struggle and need to make the details clear.
I think about the next dollar every minute.
I have rotten, pain-inducing, advice: make every hard decision now, put nothing off. Accept ohgodno, and do what must be done.
But stand up after. We are in the tens of millions here, who have these problems. It is not a personal judgment on you, what you have and have not, what you are forced to do. Endure.
I hope for good outcomes for your husband, and unexpected breaks to come your way.
And last, but not least, a little truism that somehow managed to tide me over when my husband and I went through the early 80's oil bust. We lost two houses to foreclosure, had bill collectors calling every hour on the hour and we were eeking out a living with four kids on less than a quarter of the money we had been making. Then my husband broke his arm and couldn't work for 6 weeks. We eventually had to move in with my parents just to survive. All told, it was five years of hell on earth.
A very wise man said to me, "This too shall pass." I thought it was the most ridiculous thing he could have possibly said to me. I thought it was trite and dismissive, and I was angry, very angry. But, for whatever reason, I remembered that and it somehow gave me the barest seed of hope to cling to. Maybe he was right and there really would be an end to it.
And, it did pass. Not soon enough for me, but it did. And there was life on the other side. You'll get there, Lisa, and you will indeed be able to look back on it in amazement, wondering how you made it. This too shall pass.
I'm sorry for the length of this comment. Sending you lots of cyber (((HUGS)))
Kim
Stay strong, and do what you have to in order to survive. What your kids will remember is not how much money you may have borrowed, but how hard you fought to keep your family going. How much love you have for them. Those are the things they will remember.
I wish that I could offer you more than warm words on a cold screen. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and my prayers.
I'm betting that your son feels very proud to be able to help his family. r
Now, the good news: I love my mother, and I always knew that she loved us. But we are a family, too--and that means we band together to save each other when need be. No rule saying who saves who. We take turns.
And lastly, for the better news: For the first time in her life, my mother can finally think about something other than where the next dollar is coming from. There's light at the end of the tunnel, and it isn't *always* an oncoming train.
Hang in there!
Please don't be embarassed or ashamed or guilty. We provide for our children but the family as a unit must come first and if that means sacrifice, this is a part of life and if that means dipping into this and that, then dip, we will.
Keep a tally, or put an IOU in there so he knows you expect to pay him back. Chances are, he knows how you feel. But keep in mind he might be a little proud to have been called upon to be an adult, to help provide for everyone as they have provided for him, proud that he was able to help.
This wasn't a funny one, but it was a real one. These are tough times. You shared something private, something people often don't like to talk about. But it's good to talk and good (I hope) to know others care. I care.
I hope your husband gets better soon and you stop worrying so much. Just take a deep breath and try to let go. You can't control this...you're going to have to ride it out. But know you will come though this. You will. We all will. We have to. There's no where else to go but to live our lives. So we endure. We kvetch. But we endure.
I wonder sometimes if people with as great a sense of humor as you have project the impression that things aren't as bad as they are. Maybe this humbling moment will let someone who can help you better than your son, know that you need him/her. Or let someone who needs your special talents know that you're available.
I really hope so.
Blessings...
R
Hold together, that's all I gotta say. Don't let stress pull you apart. You can make it if you stick together.
it's funny my parents borrowed money from me all the time when I was a child. I was also known as mommy's bank...for that reason though, I was able to build up quite a savings account when she paid me back.
so it's possible your son might actually feels proud that he's helping the family out, for what that's worth (that's how I felt about it...)
but I'm seriously sorry for what you're going through and I'm hoping for a rabbit and a hat while your husband recovers.
Remember - there's ALWAYS something worse! (That's supposed to cheer you up, not make you even more upset...)
I strongly second the person who said to contact your mortgage lender!!! Right now! Absolutely do that before you ever miss a payment, but even if you can scrape one together, you should call them NOW. All mortgage lenders are saying that if only people would do that before they get behind, they can generally help them. They are making adjustments all over the place for their borrowers, and if you've been current up till now, they will really want to do this for you.
I also strongly advise seeking out whatever free financial advice you can get from the likes of Consumer Credit Counselors and other reputable, longstanding, non profit advisory services are available in your area. I'm not talking about services that will lend you money!! Stay away from them. But there are public and non profit agencies that specialize in helping people with money problems by telling you about resources, giving you valuable advice and sometimes even advocating for you. If you're unsure where to find them, ask your bank when you call about the mortgage- they'll have a list of who to call (CCC will be at the top). They will meet with you, go over your finances and tell you all kinds of things you may not know - and it's free! Too many people fail to ask for this kind of help, or don't know it exists. But it can really help.
Finally, I know it's the last thing you want to do, but if it's feasible, I'd advise giving long hard thought to selling your house and renting for a while until you get back on your feet. Again, I know this isn't what you want but selling when you are still in control of the situation, especially if you can get some cash out of it, is far better than slipping down the slope to foreclosure. Again, talk to your mortgage lender first, as they may well be able to work something out so you don't have to do that, or at least can postpone considering it for several months and see if the work situation improves. But given how long this recession is lasting, it is a possibility that many people have to face.
It's a big psychological step to give up a house you worked for and love. A house is wonderful, but it's just a building. A home is any place a family lives, and can feel safe. If trying to meet your mortgage is draining you both financially and emotionally, and/or there is equity you can only get out of your house by selling, and you can rent some place decent for less money, do consider that option. It may not be worth the agony. Too many people are losing their finances trying to save their houses. They cut loose too late to get anything out of it. Think about whether another choice would be better for your family -- only you and your husband can judge that, but try putting that option into the mix.
whatever you do, good luck! and keep us posted here.
I hope things get better for you, and all of us, very soon.
We are there, too, with nothing coming in. It is definitely tough. Everything is drying up. We have emptied everything, including 401K.s. I am laughing at uncle sam with his tax bill. All I can say is, really?
We have a seven year old daughter and are just doing our best to normalize everything for her. If we lose the house, we do. It will just be a fact. I don't want her worrying, I just want her to focus on being 7. I know how hard this is with the kiddos.
And, it has NOTHING to do with people not being responsible. I almost choked when I heard that in Obama's address during his health care speech. I now know they have it all backwards and actually believe there own bullshit. 18 million dollar bonuses going to wall street bankers which me and my children are going to have to pay well into the future, so they could be bailed out. Then, today, the supreme court votes to lift years of restrictions in donating to politicians campaigns? We have become nothing but slaves to a few select rich people without any return for us when times get tough.
I'm with Skel - it's time to march on Washington, Wall Street - the whole damn thing. I'm too tired not to.
My mortgage company wouldn't even talk to me until I had missed 3 payments. And I couldn't bring my self to miss any ... just always really, really late.
Meanwhile, I heard new housing starts were up last month ...
For what it's worth, I am also self unemployed, and in danger of losing my home. My (used to be) 700 plus credit score is now at -700. I am sole provider to my 16 1/2 year old son, and have only worked one half of one day since early November. We go without, but my son doesn't blame me. Not a bit. At least I can say I'm not injured, and I have an appointment tomorrow about some work!
This country is so screwed. I wrote yesterday about banning imports from China, etc.. It was somewhat tongue in cheek, but seriously, we need jobs.... NOW!
I remember borrowing money from my kids. It's humiliating. I'm hoping for you that things will pick up. I wish there was something to say that didn't sound like a platitude. The only thing I can tell you is that you are not alone--not in this economic clusterfuck, or among people who are thinking good thoughts for you and hoping that the answer will come.
Hang in there.
I don't think anything I can say will make it easier, but you're in my thoughts.
These are such awful times for so many, especially the people like you who are working so hard and doing everything right. Your son understands what your family is going through and I'm sure he'll look back on this time feeling grateful for being able to help.
The very best thing we did since I lost my job in April was refinance our little old house. Instead of it being paid off in six or seven years, we are the proud owners of a new 30-year mortgage; the upside of this is that there is nowhere in the world we could live for cheaper. We couldn't rent a one-bedroom apartment for what our new house payment is. If I could offer you a piece of financial advice, it would be to talk to your lender.
I hope things get better for your family - how weak those words sound even to me. I DO know that you should be making a living as a writer.
I think the world of you and hope, hope, hope there can be some light for you. With Love to you and your family.
I wish you all the luck and success and a full recovery.
YOU SING IT SISTA!
My friends who are *still* employed by someone else can't understand this. They say, "It's Friday, stop working." My MIL still holds me to the wall over not greeting them for 3 hours after they arrived because she does not understand that I MUST work or I don't get paid. There is no faking, fudging, shirking or pretending to be busy when you are self employed. It's do or DIE.
"I’d like to have the luxury of thinking about something other than where the next dollar is coming from."
SING IT ONE MORE TIME!
I just attended an IEP meeting for my child with Autism and was not at all shocked by observations of clinical depression and reading his writing that says, "stupid, hate, never, don't, can't,etc." When asked what he will do with his spare time as an adult it was all about playing with his kids. He would play this and play that - all the things that he himself isn't getting because his parents are always working and always sinking in spite of it all.
Poverty is nuclear - a truth not realized until one is standing in the middle of it. You stop being normal. You cut all the corners till you are at a bare minimum, then you cut back even more. Years go by with no birthday parties, no vacations, no fun days out, no skating, no eating out, no shopping, no new clothes or shoes, haircuts are rare, no laughter, no family communication because mom and dad are working like dogs and each kid is in their own private hell. No one speaks of the elephant, named poverty, in the room but they all quietly hope and pray that it will go the hell away and never come back.
Just remember - it ain't over till the Sheriff shows up!
littlewillie - Oh yes, tradespeople in South Florida, actually Florida in general, are hurt in a big way. Thanks for the good wishes.
mamoore - Today, the love is enough. Thank you. XOXO
Leeandra - You're right. I still have much for which to be thankful.
Rita - Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope that this struggle will eventually end for us. I'm glad to hear that miracles still happen.
Skel - Yes! Let's march! Maybe then someone will hear us.
Lynn - Your words are inspiring and make me remember that personal growth doesn't occur without a challenge. When we all get through this recession/depression, we're all going to be amazing human beings. Thank you!
Mumbletypeg - I'm learning the hard way how interconnected all of the different industries are. I guess life is good if you're a banker; anyone else is doomed to struggle.
Lea - Wow, what a huge compliment, especially coming from a such a talented writer as yourself. I'd never considered trying to publish these kind of stories, figuring that no one would be interested in reading story after story of hardship. Thanks for always being so supportive of me. XOXO
My wishes go to you.
C.K. - Thank you for stopping by. I know that you and I are leading similar lives. I'm sorry to hear about your husband's thumb. He's such a talented craftsman. Here's to better days - now, please.
AtHomePilgrim - Ah yes, anxiety...my constant companion. Thank you for understanding.
Julie - Yes, we need a light at the end of the tunnel that isn't an on-coming train. Best wishes to you, girl.
Greg - Thank you for your kind and sincere comment and for sharing your story. You mentioned something that people rarely consider: the feeling of going backwards no matter how hard you work. In your forties, you expect that your dues are finally paid and that you'll now be able to enjoy some success. At least that's how it used to be. I hope you hang in there, too. This thing can't go on forever, right?
Sending love and caring.
Moana - It's so nice to see you here! I appreciate the hopefulness in your comment that, like your parents, we will get through this too, and our children will be stronger for it. Thank you for stopping by.
Dragonlady - Thank you for the advice. I really hadn't considered that my son might appreciate helping us out. I guess I've been too consumed by my own guilt for having to ask him. I'm grateful for your perspective.
Lori - You definitely sound like you know this struggle intimately. I hear you about coping through humor - that's my favorite tactic, too. Some days, it's the only thing we have. Thanks for understanding.
Roger - I'm glad to hear that you were able to get out of the trade. It's so hard to do. Dan's sent out tons of resumes and even with his experience, no one is hiring. The only option is to pray for enough work to sustain us.
plantlover - You know, we've been talking about getting more involved in alternate forms of energy for home heating. It's tough to sell anything to anyone these days, but sooner or later, I truly believe that the field of green technology will bust wide open. Thank you so much for your caring words.
Chuck - You're such a good guy. Just keep writing, OK?
M. Todd - I hear you. I grew up with similar expectations as a child and I never thought anything was wrong with it. I just wish my boy was older before he had to learn about stuff like this. I wish I could've shielded him from the struggle for a while longer.
Greg - Oh gosh. Your comment really hits me hard. So many of us are struggling. I want to stomp my foot like a four year old and scream about the unfairness of it all. By the way, do you get paid for your writing? If not, you totally should. Here's to better days and paid writing gigs.
Bellwether - Thank you! I will hold on to that vision. Hopefully, none of life's lessons are wasted ones.
Patricia - I'm not sure if the struggle is making me stronger, but the support and kindness of people like you certainly is. Thank you.
Unbreakable - You give me such hope. If you can survive all of that and come out on the other side, maybe we can too. By the way, I cling to "This Too Shall Pass." In fact, I had it engraved on an old plain silver band to remind me. Every time I see it, I feel calmer. Nothing lasts forever even if it feels like it does. Thank you so much for your wise words and for sharing your own story. XOXO
Ash - Thank you.
cartouche - Thank you so much for the kind words and the compliment. Even reading the comments here, it's clear that there are many, many similar stories out there. I hope that things improve for all of us.
Bill - Your friendship and support is plenty. Thank you.
Joan - Thank you. I appreciate your support.
JustJuli - No words needed. Your being here is enough.
David - XOXO
HarleeGirl - You're so sweet! Lurve right back at you. :)
Well, What - I love your good news and better news. Even your bad news isn't bad; it's a beautiful example of family helping family. Thanks for making me smile.
Z - Thank you. I'm going to hang out at your blog more often because it's always so much fun there.
Foolish Monkey - Your comment was so beautiful. Here come the tears again! By the way, I think you're channeling my husband. He always says this, too: "There's no where else to go but to live our lives." Thank you very much for the kind words.
Juliet - You've blown my cover. Yes, the humor that I write is as much for my benefit, to get my mind off of dreary stuff like this, as it is for my readers. But I'm sincere in looking for the humor. It's one of life's sweetest gifts. Thank you for the compliments. They mean so much, especially coming from you, a writer I greatly admrie. I'm going to hang on to your words of hope and trust that this will all work out. I will definitely write about it once I get to the other side of this financial mess.
scanner - You are so kind and compassionate. I should have known that you've been down some hard roads yourself. Thank you for being here and for understanding.
To everyone else: I haven't forgotten you. I'm just going to bed. It's been quite an emotional day and I'm bleary-eyed. I'll respond more in the morning. Thank you all for your good wishes and support. I'm going to bed much less anxious than how I woke up this morning. XOXO
When he grows up he will remember with pride that when Mom needed him, he was able to help. You raised them well, with solid values. So he will also remember a valuable life lesson: pitching in, even sacrificing for family is the greatest gift of love one can give.
While I was growing up, my family could afford vacations on the continental US, we always had food, and my brother and I went to private school. My parents were not college educated, but had steady jobs with the island government in positions of great responsibility. Nowadays, my husband and I, college educated with careers, have three kids and struggle every month to make ends meet. And going somewhere, anywhere, on vacation with my kids is a non-reality that for some reason makes me feel deeply ashamed. As a teacher I even have to buy the supplies I use to teach. I believe it is the same everywhere, here on the island we the middle class pay for services and utilities, and then pay extra to support those who can't. It makes me angry that all I seem to think about is whether I'll have enough money to make it to the end of the week. After 18 years of work, it should be better than this.
I know the pain. And I do hope it somehow gets better soon.
Take a deep breath. Have faith in yourself. You are a wonderful mother and they, and you, will be okay. No matter what. No matter what.
I think those parents that teach their children that the majority of life will be spent as adults and that despite the sometimes harsh realities of adulthood, it is not something to fear or put off. The sooner they learn this lesson the sooner they can join in the reality of life.
Blue in TX - We always save change here, too. It's saved us a number of times, especially for school expenses and things like that. Thanks for the good wishes.
Mimetalker - Oh the greed...it's hurt our country so badly and yet it still continues. Some lessons are never learned it seems.
Ablonde - Not you too! I'm so sorry to hear that. 75% is an obscene pay cut. I hope that you find something soon. So many of us are in the same sad boat.
junk1 - Your support matters a lot. Don't ever think that it doesn't. XOXO
Jen - Those wolves are relentless, aren't they? Now they call if you're only a day or two late. What happened to waiting until the person is 30 days late?
Yakkygirl - Thank you so much. :)
Gwendolyn - You're right. At least all of us are still together in this. Any problem is easier to handle if you don't have to do it alone. Thanks so much for your support.
Dolores - Rabbits from hats are in short supply but I'm pleased to discover that love from friends is not. Thank you so much!
bluesurly - I know that things can always be worse. Haiti's earthquake is a perfect lesson for that.
Silkstone - You gave me some wonderful advice. I intend to look into all of it. About selling the house: we have two issues. First, rents in our area, even for a two bedroom apartment, are higher than what we currently pay in our mortgage. By a LOT. We are lucky that our mortgage is affordable and that our house is modest. When Dan has work, it's easy to maintain the mortgage payment. This economy and now his being out of work has really hurt us but mainly because we have no income from his work. Fortunately, it's not because we have too much house.
The second problem is that in all of the surrounding counties here, you are not permitted to even park utility body trucks at your home. We have a utility body truck since this is Dan's line of work. At this house, we have Village Commercial zoning. It took us four years to find a house that had it. We really need to hang on to this house especially for that reason.
Thanks for such good advice. Maybe it will keep the wolves away until we can get back on our feet.
Stim - Thanks, Stim. No I haven't contacted them but it's worth a try, right?
Robin - Here's to good energy in 2010 for all of us!
Owl - Oh, yes...the 70's recession. I remember a bad one in the early 80's too. It helps to remember that all of us survived those ones. Even though this one is tougher, it can't go on forever. Thanks for the kind words.
latethink - Thank you. Your words do help - more than you realize. XOXO
Cap'n - I hear you, and thanks. I'm probably worrying too much about my son. I just love my kids so much and want to do best by them. It felt like a failure on me as a mom that I can't shield them from this. Here's to better times for all of us.
I share your anger with the banks and the greed. I'm like a one-woman letter-writing campaign but you're welcome to join me. I write to all of them. Those pricks need to hear from us. I wonder how any of them sleep at night.
I hope that your situation improves soon. Let me know if you ever need to vent about it. I will definitely understand!
nerd cred - I appreciate the advice to let my son know how he's helping the family. I think it will really help him feel good and as if he has some control rather than anxious and fearful. Thank you.
LandP - I adore you. I hope you know that. XOXO
Trig - I know you're in a similar position and I'm so sorry about that. Fixing houses for a living sucks any more, doesn't it? I keep thinking that this can't last forever. Eventually, people will need to maintain their homes or they'll rot away - right?
FLW - Nothing you've said sounds like a platitude; it sounds like caring to me and I greatly appreciate it. I don't feel so alone any more, thanks to caring friends like you.
Jeanette - Thank you so much. Writing this will be worth it if it helps someone else to not feel so alone.
Bozz - The good thoughts are enough and are much appreciated.
Gail - You always seem to know the right words. Thank you. They are a tonic for my soul.
Deborah - Thank you. After reading your Hippie piece, I don't doubt that the best years are yet to come! Did you try the Birkenstocks yet? You must so you can have the full hippie experience. :)
Donna - Yes, the rising sun does represent a tiny bit of hope. It's not much but it's something. Thank you for the inspiring words.
Maria - It sounds like you are in a similar situation in your area as we are with the cost of rents exceeding the cost of mortgages. I don't know how anyone affords to rent these days. We can't even afford a two-bedroom apartment, which is not even big enough for all of us. It's just crazy.
1IM - XOXO
aim - Are you sure you're not a publisher? Thanks for the kind words.
Dr. Spud - Thank you. Never underestimate the power of good vibes from friends. :)
Mical - It's an honor to receive a comment from you. Thank you! I'm sorry to hear that you're familiar with this type of hardship. Are there none of us who are immune?
Kathy - Thank you for your faith in me and my writing. It's a huge compliment and I don't take it lightly. I actually did receive a small tip yesterday (my second one ever!) It was such a nice surprise. Once I get back on my feet, I think I'm going to randomly tip writers just to brighten their day.
JK - Peace, love and strength is more helpful than you know. XOXO
Nikki - Thank you. I hope that others find some comfort in the fact that they're not the only ones in this mess.
Apache - Thanks for the support. I know that you're all too familiar with this struggle. Your last paragraph really sums it up perfectly. I feel like so much of life is wished away and wasted in the endless waiting for things to improve.
Julie - Thank you. Prayers are always welcome.
T.S. - I know you are a kindred spirit. I still remember your touching comment from my "View from the Bottom" post last year. Thanks for the support. I send it back to you as well.
mynameise - Thank you!
Poet - I'm sorry you're on the bottom, too. I wish you hadn't deleted your post, although I certainly understand the temptation. It's hard to look at the anger and the hopelessness in print, for everyone to see. Getting it out helps though. I never expected so much support and understanding but receiving it has been such a blessing.
Renee - Stories like yours make me sad and angry for several reasons. First of all, you are trying to do everything right and provide for your children. You should not have to struggle so hard! Why does single-parenthood have to equal poverty? It's all so wrong. Also, you're a teacher, a person who teaches our most precious citizens (our children) and helps create our future leaders. Why do teachers get paid so little when we pay those who entertain us more than the gross national income of some entire countries? It's absurd. The priorities are all wrong. Please don't feel ashamed. It's not your fault. It's not. We are all unfortunate pawns in a great game of greed. I wish for things to ease up for you soon.
Lainey - Thank you. Love is always appreciated.
Wakingupslowly - I am glad that I wrote it. It helped getting the feelings out, and the love and support from people like you has strengthened me in unimaginable ways. I never expected to feel better from writing this, but I do. Thank you. XOXO
WalkAwayHappy - I'm sorry that you've been in this situation too. I hope that you're now on the other side of it. That shows me that it's possible to overcome it eventually. Thanks for the good wishes.
Eva T. - Once again, you are so supportive. Thank you so much. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to get back to funny. I don't like to hang out in this dark place for too long.
Tink - How wonderful to see you here! I'm not surprised to hear that you've helped out your parents. I always knew you were a good guy. :)
Ranting Boomer - I am not familiar with FlexJobs but I will check it out. It can't hurt. Thanks for stopping by and for understanding.
scupper - Your good wishes buoy me. Thank you.
Sally - Thank you so much for stopping by with support, especially with all you have going on. I value your friendship. XOXO
Abrawang - You would think that being a remodeling contractor would be a safe and secure occupation but not any more. One good thing, and believe me, it's the only good thing currently, is that it can't be outsourced overseas. Hopefully things will improve for all of us soon and then people will want to repair their homes again. Thanks for the good wishes.
V - I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling, too. You illustrate beautifully the huge chasm between our parents' circumstances and our own. It feels as if we're going backwards, doesn't it? Best wishes that you come out on the other side soon.
Gracie - Thank you. Right now, it's a gift just hearing that others went through something similar and lived to tell the tale. I appreciate your words so much.
M Todd - You're right. Children are kept from maturing later and later these days which is probably not in their best interest. I do feel better about asking to borrow money from my son. He is already an extremely giving child so hopefully this experience will only serve to make him stronger and more compassionate. Thanks for the perspective.
Rosycheeks - Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm sorry to hear that you and your husband, in spite of relatively secure jobs, still had to take pay cuts. I don't think there is such a thing as job security or dependable wages any more. Best of luck navigating the health care challenges. That's a whole 'nother mountain to climb and I wish you strength in scaling it.
Did I miss anyone? I certainly hope not. All of you have lifted my spirit and I can't thank you enough for it.
The next post will get back to humor. I just can't walk around in this dark place for too long. I'm looking forward to finding the laughter again very soon.
Many thanks and much love to all of you. XOXO
I am sorry for what your family is going through. I keep praying everything will change soon and get better for all of us. The construction business is almost completely dead, it is hurting me also since I work in the accounting and finance field in the construction industry. Matter fact I have till 2/9 to find a job, any job, before my PO violates me on that day. But there is no jobs to be had, with my disabilities I can't work gas station, grocery stores .. anything physical. So that limits where I can go, I have to have an office job. But with 15yrs of experience my resume is put on the bottom of the pile and they hire someone with little or no experience instead.
Hang there! Don't give up and keep smiling no matter how hard it hurts to do it. There has got to be an end to all of this madness sooner or later.
Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.. {{HUGS}}
If you ever need a friend to talk to vent to and just unwind you can PM me anytime, I will be there for you all the way..
Hope those greedy (fill in the blank with suitable obscenities) _______________ realize that we are all in the same boat, Earth.
Good Luck!
K
I'd like to know if anyone has used this Revolution Money Exchange?
I trust Paypal. I wish they'd use that to tip.
I hope someone is sending you more than just good thoughts.. but Paypal can send you cash immediately.
Anyone.. any thoughts?
Lunchlady - He seems to be OK, but then every once in a while, he asks me if we're "poor." I assure him that we will always have enough to take care of him.
Fireeyes - I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with finding work, too. These days, it doesn't matter how much experience you have. In fact, it can be a liability. Employers want to pay as little as possible to get the job down. Everyone is hurting. Thanks for your support and for the kind words. I appreciate knowing that people care. XOXO
Steve - Thanks. I appreciate your support. I promise I'll be back to being funny soon. I don't like to spend too much time here in the dark with my troubles. XOXO
Kadena - I SO hear you! We lost our medical insurance in November and it's a huge worry for us. We couldn't afford the $1225 per month that it was costing us. My husband has two artificial hips (he's only in his 40's) so we know that no one will ever insure him again because of the pre-existing condition clauses on all policies. There's so much to worry about these days that I become paralyzed if I think about all of it. Worrying about one problem at a time is exhausting enough.
I hope that things improve for you soon. :)
Victoria - You are so sweet to consider tipping me. Thank you! I did receive a small tip a few days ago and one about a year ago, so the system does work, although it is not as easy as PayPal. The fact that you consider me worthy of tipping at all has lifted my spirit greatly. :)
Hang in there.
No guilt, no blame.
But, seriously, good luck and I wish I could help.
I am so sorry to hear about this. Please know that I am rooting for you and your family. Your blog is fantastic and you bring a lot of joy and happiness to many, many people. I truly hope some really great karma comes your way. Seriouslly. You deserve it.
Mignon - I appreciate the reassurance. Thanks.
Sao Kay - It's so nice to see you! Thanks for being so kind to me.
Cindy - Oh you know it! Like your husband, mine is not one to simply sit around and heal either. Thanks for stopping by and for being so sweet.
Fernsy - Oh your comment made me chuckle! What would we do if we couldn't laugh? I hope things improve for you SOON.
Nelly - Thank you! What a nice thing to say. One thing I've learned is that without adversity, we'd miss out experiencing the wonderful comfort of friends.
Some probably useless and annoying suggestions - this whole energy thing, is there any way to get on board? I know some people who do alternative energy-efficient building, also they do heat-retention (or something) testing for the government on new and old buildings (we have some kind of program that pays for testing and gives grants to homeowners to fix leaks), and advise on or do reno for people to save them money on heating bills... This should be a growing (probably slowly) industry. Pa is a snowy cold place some of the year. Maybe while recuperating, your husband could research and write some proposals. My apologies if this is something you've already looked into/do or if it's a known dead end.
And also what a couple people said about contacting lender - surely they don't want yet another foreclosed house to deal with, and I don't imagine it's a seller's market...
DAMN!
Myriad - Thanks for the good suggestions. Actually, he is researching alternative energy solutions currently. The problem is that no one is hiring and no one is spending (for the new technologies), at least not in this area. Not sure if other places. I keep thinking that this field is going to break wide open, and I'd like for him to be in place when it does. It's precisely the direction I'm nudging him. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not crazy for thinking that way, and for stopping by and being so nice. :)
Jeeze, I remember the nineties, when practically every house in our neighborhood had a debris box in front of it, and contractors were so booked, some weren't even bothering to return phone calls. How the world has changed!
You write very eloquently about what sounds like a pretty dismal set of circumstances. That sense of humor of yours really comes in handy these days, I'm sure. I hope things improve for you. From what you've written about your son, I'm sure he was ready to step up on this one. Someday he'll probably feel quite proud about it.