It’s that time of year again. Time for school physicals. This year it was Evan’s turn, but nothing can compare to the time I had to take Matt for his 6th grade middle school physical.
I knew that he had to get at least one shot, and since he suffers from anxiety, I waited to tell him until two hours before it was time to leave home. Still, Matt is the sort of kid who likes to be prepared for things. While I had some leeway with telling him about the doctor’s appointment, I knew that if I took him to the doctor's office and the whole Shot Thing was just sprung on him, he'd completely freak out.
I've never believed in lying to my kids. If they need a shot, I tell them the truth. If they ask if it’s going to hurt, I tell them the truth: yes, it hurts a little but it's over quickly. I handled Matt's 6th grade physical the same way.
Even with my carefully orchestrated preparation, he was a wreck. I had to practically drag him out of the house. I literally had to push him into the doctor's office. In the exam room, he stayed near the corner, kept his head down, avoided eye contact, and didn’t want to answer any questions. Not the usual behavior from my typically gentle, polite, cooperative, respectful-of-authority child.
The exam was moving along OK. Matt wasn't happy but he was cooperative with the nurse and the doctor until he heard that there would be a testicle examination. A WHAT?! Who knew there would be a testicle exam? This is not going to go well. I looked at Matt and could tell that it was a definite deal-breaker. His eyes were the size of silver dollars. He looked at me in fear and slowly shook his head NO.
The exam was moving along OK. Matt wasn't happy but he was cooperative with the nurse and the doctor until he heard that there would be a testicle examination. A WHAT?! Who knew there would be a testicle exam? This is not going to go well. I looked at Matt and could tell that it was a definite deal-breaker. His eyes were the size of silver dollars. He looked at me in fear and slowly shook his head NO.
Dr. Joe, bless him, assured Matt in his most comforting doctor-voice that it wasn't going to hurt and that all boys his age need to have this done.
“In fact,” said Dr. Joe, “you've had this done before when you were very young.”
Matt didn't care. He emphatically announced, "There is no way that I am having this done." He crossed his arms across his chest for added drama.
I told him that he had no choice; the exam was required for school, and all of his friends had to have it done, too. His response: "Good for them, but I’m not doing it."
Hoo boy. I told him I'd leave the room. No. I told him I would turn my head.No. He said it wasn't me; he just didn't want Dr. Joe looking at his business. I told Matt that Dr. Joe has seen plenty of "business", in all different shapes, sizes, and colors.
Hoo boy. I told him I'd leave the room. No. I told him I would turn my head.No. He said it wasn't me; he just didn't want Dr. Joe looking at his business. I told Matt that Dr. Joe has seen plenty of "business", in all different shapes, sizes, and colors.
Dr. Joe chuckled and agreed, "Oh, yes, I've seen plenty of "business".
Matt replied, "Well, I don't want him seeing MY business."
This is where I could feel the mother-panic rising: What am I going to do? We’re going to be here all night. What is wrong with this child, for crying out loud? I’m sure no one else’s kid is this neurotic and difficult. He must get it from his father.
This is where I could feel the mother-panic rising: What am I going to do? We’re going to be here all night. What is wrong with this child, for crying out loud? I’m sure no one else’s kid is this neurotic and difficult. He must get it from his father.
Matt and I were engaged in a verbal tug of war for an eternity (or at least what felt like an eternity). I tried desperately to convince him that all would be OK and that he needed to have this done, while Matt tried equally desperately to convince me that it wasn’t going to happen. Not ever.
Dr. Joe, who no doubt is in line for sainthood, waited patiently while Matt and I argued back and forth. Finally, Matt's face brightened. I could tell he had an idea.
Matt, to Dr. Joe: "I'll let you do it if I can leave my underwear on."
Dr. Joe: "I don't know if I can feel the testicles through your underwear."
Matt, with steely determination: "It's with my underwear on or not at all."
Dr. Joe: "Ok, let's give it a try. Mom, can you turn your head?"
I turned to face the corner, Dr. Joe did the deed, and the whole thing was over in 2.3 seconds. After that ordeal, the shot that Matt received was anti-climactic. He survived just fine even though he had his eyes shut tight and his face scrunched up, expecting the worst. When it was over, he insisted on a Band-Aid, because he is, after all, still a kid (even if he is a kid with strong opinions about his "business").
Matt, to Dr. Joe: "I'll let you do it if I can leave my underwear on."
Dr. Joe: "I don't know if I can feel the testicles through your underwear."
Matt, with steely determination: "It's with my underwear on or not at all."
Dr. Joe: "Ok, let's give it a try. Mom, can you turn your head?"
I turned to face the corner, Dr. Joe did the deed, and the whole thing was over in 2.3 seconds. After that ordeal, the shot that Matt received was anti-climactic. He survived just fine even though he had his eyes shut tight and his face scrunched up, expecting the worst. When it was over, he insisted on a Band-Aid, because he is, after all, still a kid (even if he is a kid with strong opinions about his "business").
Comments
Great story!
If they had sent a nurse that aroused the senses, we would have ALL been in big trouble.
"Nurse Goodbody get in here!" - Archie Campbell
My kid has an unbelievably high pain threshold, so shots were never an issue. But I actually didn't know that the 6th grade exam would involve "bend over and cough."
The physical went as usual. When he was told what was next, he seemed indifferent, said okay, whatever. The doctor asked me to leave the room, called me back in 2 minutes later to say my kid was healthy, head to toe. Kid got the shot with no complaint and we left. In the car he was uncharacteristically quiet. I asked if anything was wrong.
He looked at me and I saw the anger flashing in his eyes, "Is this going to happen again?"
"Yes, at every yearly exam," I said calmly, "It's important for your health."
"No fucking way. I won't go." Whoa, he never talked like that to me. His face was a mask of genuine fury. It was clear he was outraged and felt sandbagged.
I was flummoxed. Wondering WTF? I apologized for not warning him (he needs to know things ahead of time too). Silence. I told him it was no big deal. Angrier silence.
I waded in with reasons and questions. A battle royale raged for 10 minutes. It was brutal. Then inspiration hit.
"You know, Dad gets the same exam every year too," I said.
"He does?"
"Sure, every man does, even Miguel."(the revered soccer coach)
"Oh. Okay." And he turned on the radio, whistling along. Storm gone, just like that.
Maybe with Matt it's not so much about sending Dad as about telling him Dad gets the same business exam too?
You're lucky to have such a caring pediatrician and btw, you are also a saint.
I'm just glad he let her (yes, her!) check his business.
Very cute story.
It seems a little too agressive to be looking at 8 yr. old privates, unless there is some pathology or symptom exhibitied. I would NEVER have tried to force that exam on a my kid. Not unless the child was complaining. There are few, very few, cases of testicular cancer at that age. If a kid hurts himself in Sports, that is something else. One of the mothers who commented that she had not seen her son's privates since infancy & wanted reassurance, sounded like Manchauson's Syndrome by Proxy! Sadly, some very sick people are attracted to work in areas like pediatrics, and Day Care Centers. Look at all those priests around the country. Some were innocent I'm sure, yet many were found to be very guilty by their own admission.
I would urge parents to respect the privacy of their kids when it comes to these screenings. Both the child and parent should have the right to refuse the procedure! Further, if there is any medical procedure that is freaking your chlid out, try to find alternatives. If a sensative kid has to see a urologist for example, make certain that sedation is available if need be! Sorry folks, I don't see the humor re violating a child's boundaries in these matters. We put enough stress on our kids without subjecting them to ridiculous and unnecessary screenings.
It is a sweet story, & well told. Makes me wonder what will happen when mine get a little older. I would pose the question; Is this kind of physical discomfort with "private parts" learned from the parents? Or is it something innate? I certainly don't have the answer, but it is interesting to contemplate.
Rated and enjoyed.
I’m not sure if you have children of your own, and if you do, if any of them are boys, but testicle exams, much like breast and pelvic exams for women, are a required part of a physical examination for males. Are they awkward? Absolutely. However, learning to deal with such things is a necessary part of growing up. Everyone goes through it. That is why there were so many comments from people who understood what my son and I had experienced.
In remembering your own pain, I believe that you’ve missed the most illuminating part of my story. My son was hardly a victim. He felt empowered enough to come up with a solution for negotiating this exam in a way that he found acceptable and comfortable. His feelings were regarded, I was in the room with him, the exam was literally 2 seconds long, and he was wearing his underwear. There is no way that anything inappropriate happened that day. While I realize that you don’t know me in real life, suggesting that I would allow harm to come to my own child is insulting. Additionally, you are welcome to disagree with what I’ve written, but please don’t attack the parenting instincts of those who’ve come by to support me.
This story is supposed to be a humorous look at a necessary part of growing up in the life of a boy. In my opinion, if we can’t find comedy in the ordinary, and laugh at ourselves once in a while, life would be very dark and difficult indeed.
Faith - Good point! I've actually had something similar to that happen before.
1_Irritated_Mother - Yes, but they never admit it.
Sandra - Thank you so much! That is high praise coming from you. You're one of my idols.
Kaysong - I'll bet you have your own interesting stories about life with girls. Thank you for stopping by.
Greg - Thank goodness you showed up here. I think all the rest of the guys saw "testicle exam" in the title and ran in the opposite direction.
Sally - What a story - your son was certainly angry, wasn't he? You're a perceptive mom to figure out what would make him feel better about the whole thing.
Lisa - Another Lisa! There are quite a few of us here on OS. Thank you for taking time to read my story and comment.
Scruffus - I feel your pain. My eight-year-old is a total maniac when it comes to shots. We'll see how he handles having his business examined in middle school (yikes!)
Cherie - You know, I wondered if it was my fault that Matt was so concerned about this examination, but I don't think so. While I believe in teaching my kids safety, I don't want them to be fearful of everyone so I've never been the kind of mom to belabor the good touch / bad touch issue. I've always taught them that it's not appropriate for anyone OTHER THAN A DOCTOR to want to touch them in the area covered by their swimsuit or in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. I think in this case, it was really pre-teen self-consciousness that caused him such concern with the exam. Hopefully your son will handle it much better than mine did!
Marple - You are so kind! I love to find your name among my comments.
Honestly.
Children are not short adults. If my kids had the right to refuse a medical procedure, they'd be dead by now. All kids would.
::head shaking::
Very funny story, Lisa. Your kid and The 10 year old BoyChild should get together and discuss this. Mine is up for his exam in May. Remind me to talk to his Dad. LOL
(thumbified for testicular fortitude)
Thanks!
Loved your story and can only imagine as I only have girls! Guess I will know more as my grandson gets older. Happy days!
As Elaine Benes said: " I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
What the hey was I thinking !!
After the exam, I pulled away from people and started to recoil at their touch. 12 years later, I touch nobody unless it is absolutely necessary. I enjoy being alone. I have never had a serious relationship. I trust nobody. I wipe off where people touch me because that feeling of horror returns. You know, the feeling of being touched in a place deemed private. The feeling of being tricked into sexual molestation. The feeling of submitting instead of fighting back by saying "NO!" for fear of some sort of reprisal. Everyone teaches their kids to never let an adult touch them. There are laws in place for a reason. Adults touching child genitalia is mentally detrimental, no matter the context. Please do not rob your child of intimacy by allowing unnecessary humiliating medical procedures, especially if your child is of a pubescent age. Puberty is hard enough, isn't it?
Why should we men respect people who do not respect us....To doctors and nurses:We are not friends,please do not address me by my fist name unless I ask you to,I will refer to you as doctor or nurse as you have earned your title(I hope) and ask you to be respectful of me and my family.
Jared,it was not until February of this year,2011,that I finally fought my deamons off,my wife has told me many times that I am no longer the person she married,I changed for the better and our relationship is so much better,it only took forty six years all total to open up.We have been married thirty-nine years....So do yourself a favor Jared and do not let the actions of uncaring individuals cause you the pain they caused many of us....And I will include all of the women who have suffered at the hands of some in the medical community (non concentual pelvic,breast and rectal exams by medical students while under anesthesia).
Cave ursus