Growing
up, I was what could be considered "cool." Well, "cool" in that somewhat nerdy,
loves-to-read-and-stay-out-of-trouble way.
Then
I had kids and they made it their job to remind me - at every opportunity - of
precisely how UNcool I've become. They
don't believe me when I say that wearing sensible shoes and getting enough
sleep ARE cool, but one of these days, they'll come around. No way can you look hip if you're sporting bunions
and dark circles all the time.
A
few weeks back, while believing that I had sufficient coolness to recognize
what was currently hip and trendy, I ordered Evan a winter coat. This was incredibly brave of me, considering
he's a teenager with very specific ideas of what constitutes "hip"
and "cool." Still, the coat
was an amazing deal on Amazon, and it had been really cold outside. For the few misguided moments it took to
purchase the coat, I truly believed that Evan would like it. After all, I made sure it did not have any of
the characteristics of coats he'd complained about in the past (too puffy, too
heavy, too long, etc.)
My
next mistake was sharing my excitement about the coat with Evan.
"Hey, Evan, guess what I
ordered for you today?"
"What?" he asked
suspiciously, certain that it couldn't possibly be anything good.
"I ordered you a hip new
coat!"
A
look of terror came over Evan's face.
"Hip? Mom, I don't mean to be
rude or anything, but your idea of "hip" and my idea of
"hip" are very different."
"I know, I know," I said,
"but you're going to love this one.
It really is hip and stylish. In
fact, I bet there are a lot of really cool kids at your school wearing this same
coat right now."
Evan
was dubious, but agreed to give the coat a fair chance once it arrived.
A
few days later, he surprised me by asking when the coat would be delivered. Aha, I thought; he IS excited about it. I felt even more certain that I'd chosen a
winner. He would love this coat and I
would forever be known as The Cool Mom, the one who understands her teen, the
one who actually finds clothes he's excited to wear.
When
UPS delivered Evan's coat, I was so excited.
Evan was at school, but I opened the box to make sure the coat was still
as hip and cool as I remembered it being when I ordered it. It was!
The color, the style - all perfect.
I just knew Evan was going to love it.
I put it near his seat at the kitchen table so it would be the first
thing he saw when he came home from school.
Those
of you with teenagers can probably guess what happened next. Evan did not love the coat. In fact, he didn't even pretend to like it.
"You don't like it, do
you?" I asked after seeing the visible disappointment on his face.
"I'm sorry, Mom, but I would
never wear this."
"But I thought it was hip. I
thought I'd gotten it right this time."
"Actually, it IS hip. It's just not for me." Evan tried to break my heart gently.
"Can you at least try to like it?"
"MOM!"
"OK, OK, I'll send it
back."
The
only thing that gave me any satisfaction was Evan admitting the coat WAS
hip. Oh, and a second thing: writing on the return form to Amazon that my
kid has no taste.
(dedicated to the memory of my friend,
Lynn Borders Caldwell, who was cool without even trying.)
