My son has a friend who wears shorts and t-shirts all winter
long. This kid claims that his body
temperature is always so high that he doesn't get cold. He says he doesn't need to wear a coat,
either. I don't know if it's true that
he has some miraculous metabolic way of keeping warm, but I've never seen the
kid shivering or looking at all uncomfortable.
When I volunteer at my son's school and see this boy outside
at recess, I know I can count on hearing at least one other mom make a comment
about the way he's dressed. "How
can his mother let him out of the house like that?" she'll ask, only to
follow up with "I'd NEVER let my child dress that way in this weather!"
What she's not considering as she questions the parenting
skills of this young man's mother is that he is a teenager and her own child is
only in first grade.
In my experience, there's a big difference in how you parent
a teenager versus a six-year-old. For
starters, a six-year-old is small enough that you can pretty much put a coat on
his body for him. Of course, that kind
of action isn't usually necessary since six-year-olds are generally agreeable
creatures who want to please everyone. Not
so with teenagers. Teenagers are
desperate for independence and will take any opportunity to display it
regardless of who it may displease.
The most crucial difference between parenting teens versus
young children is that the stakes for teens are so much higher. Getting a teen to realize that fact can be exasperating. While we may try every trick in the parenting
book to persuade a child to clean his room, no one is harmed if the room stays
messy. The behaviors competing for a teen's
attention, though, have the potential to be deadly. Matters involving sex,
drugs, or alcohol are non-negotiable, but a messy room isn't worth the same
degree of passion and conviction as convincing a teen to never text while
driving.
Parents of teens are forced to choose their battles and that
often means not sweating the small stuff.
These parents have learned that they must reserve their parental energy
for the most critical issues in their teen's life.
Many times, all that's needed is a dose of tough-love. The teen years are a perfect time to allow the
child to experience the consequences of his own actions. You didn't clean your room? You're going to have trouble finding anything. Didn't do your homework? Have fun explaining that to your
teacher. Don't want to wear a coat? Surprise - you're going to be cold.
With my own teens, the not-wearing-a-coat thing still makes
me crazy even though I know it's a behavior that only affects them. I'll remind them of how cold it is outside
and suggest that they might want to wear a coat, but I can't make them do it.
Nonetheless, I sometimes wish I could pin a note on their
clothes that says, "I'm dressed this way against my mom's
advice." They won't be any warmer
but I'd feel a whole lot better.
