Cooking with Cats

Ever since Mewcifer the stray cat pranced into our home and later, our hearts, I have become an unwitting student of cat behavior. For example, I can't tell you how many times I've been bitten before I learned to pay attention to the direction of Mewcifer's ears.  If those babies start turning back and flattening , look out. 

After a lifetime of having only dogs as pets, the biggest adjustment to having a cat in our house is the realization that cats jump up on everything.  In fact, the higher the object, the better.  I've even seen Mewcifer studying the ceiling fan, no doubt mentally calculating how high he'd have to jump to land successfully on one of its blades. 

Given Mewcifer's affinity for being up high on things, he's become a constant companion when I'm in the kitchen.  Not only does he want to see what I'm doing, but he feels it's his duty to keep a careful eye on anything pertaining to food.  I guess that's understandable, given his history as a skinny stray, but this cat reminds me of someone salivating while watching the Food Network.  The only difference is that he's able to reach out and steal a taste when I'm not looking.

Even though Mewcifer is officially a member of the family these days, I'm not very keen on having him snitch food from our plates.  His stealthy ways have caused me to keep a spray bottle nearby while I cook so that I can shoot him with a quick spritz of water if he tries to steal anything.

The other night, I was mixing some ground meat for hamburgers.  Of course, Mewcifer jumped onto the end of the counter so that he could supervise. 

I formed the meat into round patties which I placed on a plate to the left of me, squarely between me and Mewcifer.

Determined to keep an eye on him, I watched as he slowly crept near the plate.  Realizing I was watching him, Mewcifer quickly sat down and meowed angelically as if to say "I wasn't doing anything wrong."

I returned to my patty-making, still watching him from the corner of my eye.

Mewcifer slowly lay down, ever so quietly, to not attract my attention.

I didn't look at him but continued making the hamburgers. 

Mewcifer slowly and quietly rolled onto his side.  I still didn't look at him.

He froze in position for a minute or two, like a rabbit who believes you can't see it if it doesn't move.

I finished making the final patty and put it on the plate.  I turned my back on the cat briefly to wash my hands.  When I turned back around, I saw Mewcifer's front paw outstretched mere millimeters from the edge of plate.  He was about to snatch one of the burgers.

I grabbed the spray bottle and shot a quick spritz at him. 

And then, do you know what that cat did?  He actually had the nerve to make me feel guilty for squirting him.  It's true.  As he cleaned the water from the spray bottle off his back, he flashed his sorrowful golden eyes at me as if to say, "How could you squirt a helpless little kitty cat who loves you so much?"  I felt so bad that I gave him a few of his kitty treats - the ones he likes so much that we've renamed them Kitty Crack.

Talk about manipulative!  How did that cat turn his bad behavior around into something that earned him his beloved Kitty Crack? 

This ability alone is probably why we should fear cats taking over the world.  

Maybe I'd better grill him a burger as a peace offering.